From the Inside Out: With Rivkah Krinsky and Eda Schottenstein
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From the Inside Out: With Rivkah Krinsky and Eda Schottenstein
73. Ayekah? Wisdom for the High Holidays (and Beyond): With Rabbi Simon Jacobson
Episode Sponsor: Karen Hashana
Keren Hashana was established by the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson, of righteous memory, to ensure that people perform the mitzvah of giving tzedaka—daily. Monies from Keren Hashana are distributed twice daily, before morning and afternoon services, for charitable purposes.
Keren Hashana, a unique charitable fund, makes giving to charity easy, in fact, it will actually do the mitzvah for you!
Sponsorship Link: Mykerenhashana.com
Episode Details:
Ready to uncover the profound wisdom of Rabbi Simon Jacobson on spiritual growth and the curious intertwining of guilt and religion? We're bringing you a soul-stirring conversation that fundamentally reframes how we perceive high holidays - as a time for accountability and nurturing a trusting relationship with God, rather than a time for guilt. Let's shatter the comfort zones together as we embrace new experiences and channel the untapped energy of Rosh Hashanah.
In the heart of our discussion, Rabbi Jacobson illuminates the delicate balance between asking Hashem for our desires and humbly surrendering to His divine plan. He shares invaluable insights into two fundamental steps in Judaism: Iskafya and Ishabhah, that teach us how to transform negative impulses into positive ones and resist indulgence. To top it all, we delve into the deeper meanings of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, revealing how to connect meaningfully with God during these sacred periods.
Wrapping up our enlightening journey, we explore the power of vulnerability, the potential for growth that lies in the disruption of comfort zones, and the true essence of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Rabbi Jacobsen shares moving stories and lessons that will inspire you to live up to his teachings and fulfill your unique mission. So, join us in this thought-provoking episode and discover how you can bring Hashem's light into the world, one day at a time.
60 Days Spiritual Guide Link:
https://www.amazon.com/60-Days-Spiritual-Guide-Holidays/dp/1886587248
Website/Podcast Link:
https://www.chassidusapplied.com/
If you think what you thought and you say what you said and you do what you did, you know what you're gonna have, what you had. That's the place where most of them will never change. When you're at your happiest and everyone should be happy don't get me wrong. It's the time when you don't. Usually it's when there's a crack, when something is wrong. That's when you start thinking.
Speaker 2:Why don't, why can't we change when we're happy?
Speaker 1:If a person knows they have a broken heart, that's good. Alas to those that die with their song still inside them.
Speaker 3:This episode is sponsored by Karen Hashanah. This is very interesting. I actually did not know this, but there is a principle of giving charity every single day. You know, you'll be often find that we'll write a check right. Every so often we'll write a check to charity and we'll be like we've done our part and we have. But what Karen Hashanah does, which I find very interesting, is that they distribute money on your behalf for Tadaka every single day, so you can go to Nitspa of charity every day. Is it twice?
Speaker 2:a day that they do Twice a day before morning prayers and before the afternoon prayers. What's beautiful about this organization, karen Hashanah, is that it's the Labava Chirabba that founded it. He wanted to ensure that each one of us have that merit to give Tadaka every day, and so he established this 70 years ago. And this is running and people are giving more than ever, and this year there's actually 383 days. So for 383 days, for the whole year, it'll be taken care of for you.
Speaker 3:On the Jewish calendar.
Speaker 2:On the Jewish calendar.
Speaker 3:Except Shabbos right and Habbos yes.
Speaker 2:The money will be distributed through Machanah Yisrael and it'll be given to. It goes to help needed people, single parents and families, educational subsidies for children whose parents can't afford tuition, emergency medical assistance for Shulachim in crisis and for many other people in need.
Speaker 3:In the past year alone, millions of dollars were distributed towards these services. And if you want to participate in doing an act of goodness and kindness every single day, and if you think that, on your behalf, my husband and I have participated in this already and, yeah, it's very special because it's taking care of for you and it's not about how much you give.
Speaker 2:It's the fact that you're giving Tadaka every day. When you give Tadaka every day, it brings Hashem's light down here in this world more so than any other mitzvah. You are lighting up your day and you're lighting up the world and you're helping somebody else every single day, twice a day, and so this is indeed powerful. The Rebbe actually encouraged to do this before Rosh Hashanah, before Yom Kippur over Tishrei. So this is the perfect time to donate to Karin Hashanah. You can give half a cent a day, you could give a dollar a day. Whatever you feel will work for you and your family. You can be a giver every day and donate to mykarinhashanahcom, and the link will be in our podcast notes.
Speaker 3:Speaking of the high holidays, this time of year is a very spiritual time of year on the Jewish calendar.
Speaker 2:It's a time when we want to be present and we want to have some tools to deepen our spirituality and to deepen our experiences with the people that we love and to deepen our relationship with Hashanah. We wanted to find a way, a practical, attainable way to do that, and we thought the best man for the job would be Rabbi Simon Jacobsen.
Speaker 3:It's timeless wisdom for really all year round. Hi, I'm Rivka and I'm Ida. Welcome to, from the Inside Out now, a global community that keeps growing every day, thanks to each and every one of you.
Speaker 2:Right here is where you'll discover life-changing insights from some of the world's greatest thinkers, leaders and our everyday heroes.
Speaker 3:We believe that meaningful change comes from taking inspiration and turning it into action.
Speaker 2:In fact, that's how this podcast was created, in an uber where we were both inspired by each other's life experiences and how much we could learn from each other.
Speaker 3:We're so glad you've joined our conversation today. Path to Meaningful Change starts right here, right now. Welcome back, Rabbi Jacobsen, it's great to have you here. Last time we had you on the podcast, we were inspired by your spiritual guide to the Omer, to counting the Omer, and now that we're in the Jewish holiday season, Rivka and I were talking about the spiritual guide to the high holidays, which we're both doing. I've done this every day and it's been quite incredible and life-changing. I see it's a bestseller on Amazon. I've shared the link with many people and I've gifted it too, and so this is the season of forgiveness and of accounting and letting go and hopefully going to a guilt-free zone. So we'd love for you to share with us the inspiration here behind the book and talk to us about how we can be guilt-free at this Rosh Hashanah.
Speaker 1:So, first of all, ida and Rivka, thank you for having me, and I want to commend you for being consistent and persistent and inspiring so many and using these airwaves. Now here we've also gone to video and many, many strong, healthy years, and your broadcast should lead us straight to Meshach and then you'll continue afterwards. That's the goal. Okay, that's my and same to you.
Speaker 2:All these brahs are straight back to you, right.
Speaker 1:And that's what we were taught we have to use the technology to get the word out, okay, so thank you about the book. Well, let me just give you a little background about 60 days, the spiritual guide to the High Holidays. I didn't just write it because I had nothing to do. I wrote it because I felt a serious need. One of the big paradoxes I find and this is both in people who grew up with Yiddish guide from world and people who obviously did not is that, on one hand, the High Holidays, the holiest time of the year Rosh Hashanah, yom Kippur you could start a clean slate Everybody's excited, everybody's excited and almost across the board, people will say afterwards well, what happened?
Speaker 1:They say yeah you know, maybe I had an inspiring sermon or a nice meal, but nobody feels transformed. And it just to me resonated because when I grew up it was the same thing and I grew up in a very intense Jewish, Chabad, Hasidic world. There's a lot of beautiful things, but when it comes down to it, are we doing this by rote? Is it mechanical? Is it something out of guilt, out of tradition, out of superstition? You know, once a year you make a deal with God and stuff like that.
Speaker 1:So, being that, I encountered many people who had this, I would say, almost alienation. They may go to synagogue again out of guilt, but many may not, and they'll just say it was just a long service, boring. I don't even can't understand half of it. So I decided to do research and just really write a book that tries to personalize and demonstrate the personal and spiritual and psychological and emotional relevance of Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkis and, of course, El El that precedes it all. So it came to address exactly this issue. So let's talk about guilt. You mentioned guilt, that's kind of right.
Speaker 1:Everyone talks about Jewish guilt. Jews are guilty. You know how many jokes about Jewish guilt and you know your mother makes you feel guilty and she's guilty because her grandmother the whole thing.
Speaker 2:Do you have a good joke about Jewish guilt?
Speaker 1:Or a Jewish mother. You put me on this spot. Yeah, of course there are.
Speaker 1:many, many, it'll come to me as we go, okay, yes, and then you throw in the Holocaust and then we're even more guilty because look what happened. And a lot of religion is associated with this idea of punishment, judgment, and you know I mean this is a common thing. I can't tell you how many people have told me religion is connected, is synonymous with fear, fear of punishment, guilt that God's going to get you. You better do something about it. And it's, it's uh.
Speaker 1:So I did a little research on it and, frankly, I couldn't even find a Hebrew word for guilt. So I started saying, man, this may be just one of these modern myths that are not necessarily about Judaism. So I would say the following guilt, psychologically, is mostly demoralizing. As people feel guilty, it's usually that makes them feel down, means them feel worthless, losers and and you get haunted by your past, can't sleep at night. I did this, I should have done that. It's all tight regrets and so on.
Speaker 1:In Judaism, the concept of regret and remorse is only there if you're going to improve your life, if it motivates you to become better. But guilt doesn't end in itself is frankly toxic. It's a very negative emotion and if you really think about it, let's be very frank. I mean, god created us as human beings flawed. There's no perfect. We all will make mistakes. And then what is he coming to get us after we make a mistake? It doesn't make any sense. You create a human being and they say okay, now I'll punish you because you sin, I set you up, and that doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 1:The real way to look at it is very straightforward. God created a world. He created us human beings as partners, and partnership requires accountability. So, instead of looking at Rosh Hashan as a day of guilt or judgment judgment is not judgment, it's rather accountability Tell me where you stand. How did you do? You know we're partners in business, the year is over, the contract has expired. Before we renew it, let's let's make an accounting, let's do an audit, let's do a soul search, soul search, introspection. And that's really the real concept. I wouldn't even use the word guilt, I would use accountability, soul search, introspection.
Speaker 1:Remember, trust is built not on perfection, it's built on accountability, and Rosh Hashan is a day when we renew our trusting relationship with God. He has this vote of confidence in us and we show responsibility. Here's what we've done, and there's something that there was a setback or there was a mistake, I'm committed to repair it make it better. Literally like you would do a reconciliation with one spouse, where it may be something that didn't work out exactly, you sit down, you're accountable, you don't cover up, you don't lie, you don't hide it and you say okay, let's move forward now and build even a deeper and more loving relationship. I can tell you, just last week I was talking to a group of very religious Jews, not from the Hasidic world, from the Litvish world, and when they heard this to them, some of them they never heard anything like this before them. For them, always, the month of El was a month of beating your chest. And we do do that. We do say Shem l-Pakadna.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, because part of accountability is you need to acknowledge.
Speaker 1:But if you only say and confess and you don't think of it as a relationship and you're just busy in saying how bad I am, I did this wrong, I did that wrong, I did that wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. And now, okay, don't punish me that much, because I'm asking you for compassion Instead of seeing one second. What about the vote of confidence? I mean, imagine educating your children. They did something wrong and all they hear from you is how bad they are. You want to tell them you're a beautiful child, you're a beautiful person, you're a beautiful soul and because of that, let's try to be even better. You have to have the love in there and unfortunately, a lot of our education is very fear driven. It's very negative driven.
Speaker 1:I'm just being honest about how most people experience it. I don't think what I'm saying is going to surprise anyone. It'll surprise anyone that at least we're acknowledging and we have to look at Rosh Hashanah, yom Kippur as beautiful days. Yes, it's days of awe and respect, but it's respect because we have a mission, we have a calling and we are renewing our mandate, our contract with God of why you're here in this world and the mere fact that you exist remembers because God wants you here. If you really weren't deserving you, wouldn't be here. I mean, I'm saying that to all of us. Can't fear also be defined as awe.
Speaker 2:Like fear and fear. I would never use the word fear. You know what fear is.
Speaker 1:You're walking late at night and you're fear of being mugged. That's fear, fear of violence, fear of war, fear of an enemy. And when, as soon as you use the word fear and God that way, so then God is the mugger. I mean, you get that association. I'd use awe, I use reverence. Reverence is a great word. Respect, you know, let's say, even in relationship between spouses there has to be love and closeness and intimacy, but there also has to be respect for boundaries, for individuality. Respect and reverence is also part of a relationship. It means it's not just I own you, it's not like. You know, there are boundaries, there's discretion and so on, and I think that's the key to it all.
Speaker 2:Right, so when you talk about awe and Intangiot says there's a new light that comes on Rosh Hashanah that was never there before, right? So how do we make that light accessible to us? How do we tap into this energy of bringing heaven down to earth and making this new light feel like we're in a relationship and we're connected to it?
Speaker 1:That's a great question, because all of us want newness and freshness in our lives. We always want that opportunity. But I find that they have to also keep in mind that if you come in with your old baggage, so even if a new energy is entering, there's no room for it, you know. Imagine you want fresh air in your house but you're not ready to open the windows. It's not going to work that way. So I think it's critical and that's why we have this khazhbun hanefesh what we call this accountability is to like be ready for something new and fresh. It's like what do they say? Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. So you're going to do the same thing this Rosh Hashanah. You know God can be merciful, but most likely you're going to get the same results if you do the same thing.
Speaker 1:I always like to put it this way If you think what you thought and you say what you said and you do what you did, you know what you're going to have what you had. It's a mathematical certainty, and many of us want something new, but we're not ready to do something for it. So I think the first step is you need to. I mean baby steps. We're not even talking about necessarily a big resolution. You need to be ready to get out of your comfort zone and say, yes, I want something new and I'm ready to do something new. You know, the Chabad Rabbis, for example, had a custom every Rosh Hashanah they would take on a new resolution, a new hider, a new emphasis on a certain mitzvah, a little extra study, because when you do something new, you've opened up the channel for newness.
Speaker 1:You're not going to get the same new things if you don't do anything new. In Tanya you brought the Tanya by the new, unprecedented energy. There's another chapter, 15, in the beginning of Tanya, where he says that serving God does not mean doing something many times, Because if you do it out of habit, even if you study 100 times, that's part of your routine then you didn't do anything new. It's part of your routine. But if you do 101, you go out of your comfort zone a little extra. That extra minute, that qualitative shift, opens the door for newness coming from above. It's really very straightforward Most people do not want to do that new thing. They want to stay there, but they want the new.
Speaker 1:It doesn't work that way. It's like if I keep looking at you the same way, you're going to look at me the same way, but if I give you the extra smile, then I'll probably get a smile back.
Speaker 3:It's like that quote people want change, but not if it means changing. We want to change, but we want to do the work Nothing changes.
Speaker 1:Nothing changes. That's what they say in recovery. Right you want change, but you have to initiate change, and that can come down to a simple thing like this year Every day I'm going to make sure every day at least, I say something kind to five people More than I have done in the past, Even small things like that. Who initiates?
Speaker 2:on Rosh Hashanah Is Hashem that initiates or we initiate.
Speaker 1:I mean that's like a husband and wife saying who's going to initiate? I would say who's not standing on principle, whoever does it first love, doesn't. You don't wait. So I would say we both initiate. I mean, hashem gave us Rosh Hashanah, but the more we initiate, look, I look at it like this If you're a responsible adult, you have to look at yourself. You can't say, okay, I'm waiting for Hashem. I don't know if that's the right way to go. People who do that I would not wait If I was in a meeting with you and you didn't say anything, I'd start to be.
Speaker 1:You start talking.
Speaker 2:I'm going to wait till you.
Speaker 1:Because what do we? I mean what do we? So I would say we initiate. I mean a Hasidic philosophy. There's an interesting concept that says that the first Rosh Hashanah was when God created Adam and Eve. So Hashem and God initiated, but after that we must be the initiators, Because that's the relationship. Yeah, but I wouldn't be worried. You initiate, God will respond. He's got everything he needs, so I'm not worried about him, I'm more worried about us.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there's a lot of people not out there initiating. I think what might get in the way we talked about guilt earlier is maybe guilt for someone who wants to change but feel guilty about what that comes along with, and I heard this thought that guilt is better than resentment. So I always thought about guilt as something that is maybe more positive, but maybe in relation to resentment, like it's better to feel guilty and either do whatever it is that you need to do than to let the resentment fester. So if guilt is better than resentment, what's better than guilt? Like, how are we moving upwards?
Speaker 1:Let's put it in very poignant terms Okay, Is a human being fundamentally a good person and we have an evil inclination and temptations, or are we fundamentally bad people and from time to time we have good inclinations? This is a fundamental question of psychology and of philosophy. To be honest, in the Western world, the prevalent secular view, what I like to call the Darwinian-Freudian model is they were essentially animals. They evolved animals and we've matured, We've evolved, so we have minds and we create laws like red lights and green lights to coexist. But fundamentally, at heart, push comes to shove. Everyone is in it for themselves. We're selfish creatures and many people say, yeah, that sounds right. So that's pretty much me. Not everyone likes to admit it, but what Freud calls the id self, me, me, me pleasure, my pleasure comes first. But again, there's an ego and a superego that we impose simply to be able to coexist. And it's also my interest to coexist with you, because if I can kill you, you can kill me. I mean put it. But then there's a very different view, which is the Russian son of you. What happened to Russia? Why is it such a big day? It's the birthday of the collective birthday of the human race.
Speaker 1:And what does the Torah say? Very straightforward the human being is. God took a clump of earth and he instilled in it, he imbued, he breathed into it the divine spirit. He was born in the flesh of the living and the Shema is breath. The Shema means breath. So we are essentially created in the divine image. That's the description of the Torah, the Bible, Without any commentary. You were created in the divine image, so you are a piece of the divine. Then there's also challenges. We're tempted. We have another side, called Yitzar Harah, the evil inclination or the nephish habam in the animal soul. But that's superimposed. So when you think of these two views on a human being, you have it all figured out here.
Speaker 1:If we're essentially bad people, then of course we have plenty to be guilty Because we're essentially bad, then that's that. But if you're essentially a divine image and it's been covered up by dust, then the most that guilt can do is clean off the dust, be accountable. That's why I personally don't like the word guilt. To be honest, by me, resentment, guilt, they're all the negative emotions that to me, they evoke negativity. Again, I would use the word accountable. Accountable means, since you have such a beautiful soul, a divine soul, and you've somewhat let's call it betrayed yourself. You've wandered away from what you're capable of. It's like telling your child you're so good at something and you haven't done it. So there's an element of correcting, repairing, improving. You heard someone, you say I'm sorry, thank you. So basically, what we're doing is revealing the essential good that we are, and then words like resentment or guilt or all the other stuff become, if anything, only a means, and the real focus is let's unleash the tremendous, great potential we all have. That's the ultimate goal and even if you need to do something to correct, it's only for that's a means to an end.
Speaker 1:And unfortunately, there's much out there that's very discipline driven and creates all kinds of negative experiences. I mean, you just ask almost anyone what's the memories from their school or from their childhood. They'll tell you all the nightmares of how they were made to feel a garbage. Demoralized Demoralization is the biggest crime of all the Al-Tarabbi says it in Tanya because it doesn't bring any positive results. Demoralized, what does it make you feel? You want to bury yourself in a basement and not talk to anyone. Motivation is the key and that's how you know If you have a negative feeling. Let's say it's guilt or anything. Ask yourself what is it leading me to? If it leads you to isolate yourself and feel terrible, you know that itself is coming from the bad place. If it makes you feel motivated, you know what I really did, something I should go do for fix it Then you know it's coming from a good place. Really very straightforward in many ways.
Speaker 2:How would you balance letting, now that we've let go of the guilt and we're being accountable, how would you balance asking Hashem, like Rosh Hashanah, satan, when we can ask Hashem for the pray for the things that we want, and that's very delicate because it could involve our egos? I want this, I want that. So, at the same, like you told us in the last one of the episodes that we did with you, that bittle is one of the key, humility is one of the key ingredients in order to surrender and connect to Hashem. So how do we surrender to Hashem and, at the same time, we're asking Hashem for the things that we want in our life?
Speaker 1:Okay, good, let's keep in mind that since Hashem created us and he created us with needs he doesn't want us to forgo those needs. He doesn't want you to punish yourself. Yes, there are days you're a keeper we fast, but that's one day. We're not here in this world to deprive ourselves. We're here to harness the material world towards spiritual ends, not to annihilate it or destroy it. But in Hasidic terminology we know there's two steps. There's Iskafya, that's refraining from giving it to every indulgence. I think we all know. We know it now, for ourselves and for our children. We always need some of that. That's called discipline. And then there's what's called Ishabhah, transforming it. So refraining is like you know a person that's over-eating. You can't just transform it, you gotta discipline yourself. But then there's the next step is transforming or harnessing anything that you had, a negative impulse towards the positive direction. So when you think of it that way, it really goes hand in hand. The bitthole part is basically saying you're not the center of the universe. You're here, you're part of and you're here to serve something greater than yourself, that without that there's a no system in the world that can really function. Judaism, that's the foundation of it all, that you are here as part and blessed to be part of some bigger plan and you're sent to this world to fulfill that plan. That, to me, is real bitthole. What does bitthole mean? It doesn't mean annihilation of self. It means focusing why you're here. That's number one. Number two part of that is also using your resources, your minds, your emotions, your gifts, your opportunities, everything, including the material world, toward that direction. But you have to begin with the bitthole first before you get to the second, because if you don't have that basic principle that I am here to serve, then what happens is we ultimately become self-indulgent creatures, and I think that's how you combine the two. I think everything in life is that way where you have to have some form of accountability. We're talking about and that's the bitthole part where we suspend ourselves for something greater and then life changes entirely. Then everything you do becomes part of that bigger plan. But basically it's not starting from your needs, it's starting from God's plan. Basically that's what I always think of.
Speaker 1:Especially Rosh Hashanah comes. You have to ask yourself why have you here in this world right now? That's the question Hashem asked Adam on Rosh Hashanah. What did he say After he had sinned? He said where are you, ayyaka? He didn't know where he was. He was basically saying where do you stand? Have you betrayed yourself? Are you living up to your calling, to your mission? So if I were to sum it up, I would say the message of the whole holiday season, but starting with Rosh Hashanah, is this is the day when you renew your contract of what your calling is. Ask what is your mission in life. That is the single most important thing. Why am I here?
Speaker 1:And I think any intelligent person is not gonna answer. To eat and drink and make money and enjoy life those are all beautiful things, but the most important thing is why am I here? You're on a calling, and that's, I think, the greatest gift a person could have.
Speaker 2:So what if someone you can disagree, by the way, if you like? I know what you're just gonna go go yeah.
Speaker 3:You're gonna ask what if someone doesn't know what their calling is, Something like that.
Speaker 1:but also you read each other's minds.
Speaker 2:Well, we talk a lot when we prepare.
Speaker 1:I understand I understand.
Speaker 3:But what if they don't know what their calling is? Perhaps because, let's say, someone's moving toward their mission, they see something that they think they can accomplish in the world, but that comes with its share of hardships. And we know that Hashem wants us to be besimcha, and if we were actually, we're commanded to be besimcha. And so I wonder how we balance this, being besimcha joyful, with fulfilling our mission, when maybe there's conflict sometimes in fulfilling our mission, when it, if it, involves pain.
Speaker 1:As you probably know, I worked for the Rebbe many years for the LeBavitre. My job was to remember the Fabrangians and then write them down how many years.
Speaker 2:Did you do that for? We discussed this on the other episode but for annual list no, no, I understand.
Speaker 1:I did it from 1977 until 1992 when the Rebbe had a stroke. So that would be-.
Speaker 2:Many years.
Speaker 1:A little more than 15 years so I had the privilege to access to. The Rebbe asked many questions, so I remember it was one year Simcha Stara and the Rebbe had spelled out seven different steps of how you get the joy, and one of the things he said the first, I think it was the mere fact that you were chosen by God to be on this earth for a purpose is the biggest Simcha of all, because he chose you, he didn't choose someone else. It's like a big source. Imagine the greatest king and here he, told by God himself, chose you to be here today.
Speaker 1:He could have you could have been born a thousand years ago you know, but you're here, so that is itself a tremendous source of joy. I found it's not going into the others right now. I found that to be tremendously enlightening because and empowering because it tells you that the first step is of recognizing that, simcha, that you were chosen, and when a person comes and says, oh, look, how bad I am, well, look what I've done, they're basically undermining. It's like saying you're throwing the gift back and saying God says, but I put you here. You don't begin by first complaining what's not working. The first thing is that you're here for a purpose. Now, part of that purpose is could include that maybe am I not living up to it, and that's where, let's say, guilt may come in or other feelings. So then, fine. So the next step is figure out what you've done right, what you've done wrong.
Speaker 1:I would always tell people you know, make a column, so good, pre-russia Shun exercise and write down the things that you feel that you've done right this past year to live up to Now. If you're standing before Hashem and he says, okay, give me a report, what'd you do? You know, give me a, a valuation, a report, essentially, so what did you accomplish? And then in the second column you can write the things that you think you didn't do well enough and you make the resolution to improve it. I know it sounds simplistic what I'm saying and I do know that these inner feelings of guilt or shame or other things are very deep. They're not rational. I'm speaking rationally here. I understand when I sit with someone, someone says you know, it's all beautiful, but I still feel terrible inside, and I know it's an emotional thing. So what you try to do is, cognitively, you try to first explain to a person this is already a psychological. I mean, we all know psychological issues are mostly emotional.
Speaker 2:But I think she was talking more about them, more about the emotion of actual pain, or like not feeling joyful. Yeah, no, no, I was gonna get to that.
Speaker 1:But I wanted to first begin with a mindset. So I would say to anyone, no matter what you've gone through in this past year, and even if it's painful experiences and even legitimate painful I'm not talking about illusions, you know really legitimate Okay, rosh Hashan you mentioned before, from the Al-Tarabah, from Tanya, a new energy enters. You wanna benefit from it. You don't wanna just bring your past painful experience and say, no, I can't get this new gift you're giving me of the new year because I'm not ready for it. So I think you have to, as much as possible, like so-called, almost like empty your mind in a way, and say I'm going on Rosh Hashan, let me at least Rosh Hashan and try to go. If I'm going to show great, or if I'm home, try to be in a place where I'm receiving something new. Because if Hashem sends you, let's say, a special guest to your table and you say to the guest you know I have no time for guests You're basically saying no to a gift. So Rosh Hashan is coming, it's like a new guest with new energy, new possibilities, and you're saying I can't deal with it because I have too much pain from the past. That would be not really.
Speaker 1:I think that I think we all agree that would not be what you wanna do. So I would say find some way to be open at least. And if you don't feel that you're open, maybe that's what you should pray for. Say it to Hashem please give me something that I can feel a little freer. But I understand if someone doesn't feel free. It's not that easy. I don't know if I have a magic pill.
Speaker 1:Honestly, if a person's going into Rosh Hashan and they are really dealing with something of real grief or pain I don't know if I have those words that I could say you know you can get rid of it Well, you can say here's a special day's coming. Let's try our best to be a little happier and open ourselves up to the best you can, even if it's not perfect, because you also don't wanna create a new level of guilt. You're guilty over the fact that you can't bring yourself to be joyful. So I would just do whatever is possible. That's why I think it's good sometimes to have distractions. You have a meal coming. You have your friends coming over guests.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it's good to get out of your own bad mood, so to speak. You know, sometimes you wanna stay in your room, you don't wanna come out of your room, and sometimes it's, and I want to conforce you. Sometimes you have to force yourself. You know you have to. Well, they say fake until you make it. But I don't call it fake because if the Neshama is indeed really joyful, but there's the let's call it the arteries are blocked, so you are accessing who you are, you're behaving the way you should be, yeah, like, act the way you wanna feel, exactly, and then, ultimately, it will happen.
Speaker 2:Right Fake, actually feel what it really is. But the truth, I guess you're saying, or act the way you wanna feel, because then I have to share.
Speaker 1:I just saw this recently how all kind of chemicals are released when you smile, when you physically smile, even if it's a fake smile, when the mouth goes into that type of shape, it releases certain happy chemicals, what they call whatever the dopamine or whatever the other stuff. So there is an element of even external joy. That can actually what they call how your neurons are fired, that's how they get wires. So I was reading this little anecdote of a farm boy who was he never had seen a big city. And one day he's with his family. They go travel to one of their relatives. They come to this big mansion and the first thing he sees when he walks in, something he never saw before a mirror, a mirror. Didn't even know what it was. And he looks in the mirror and he starts yelling. And the host comes over and says why are you yelling? He says there's a boy in the mirror that's making funny faces at me, you know. So the host tells him smile to him and he'll smile back. You know he didn't realize it was himself.
Speaker 1:So sometimes that's how it works when you smile, you get a smile back. It's actually a Zohar that says that that when you smile Kamayim Alpana Alpana. Yeah, kamayim Alpana Alpana exactly, and I'll just share another anecdote, since.
Speaker 3:It's a little anecdote, yeah.
Speaker 1:Arab Russia. Shana is also the birthday of the Tzemaqtzedek. So Tzemaqtzedek, the last Shabbat that the Al-Tareb Mishnez Amir, his grandfather, was in this world, he was really very sick so Shabbat was ending. He would pass away that Saturday night Chavdala Tevis it was, and his grandson Tzemaqtzedek writes this in a letter. And he was davening for the Amir. He was leading the prayer the evening Shabbat service, mayur, and he was very sad so he was crying. His grandfather called him over after davening. He waited, called him over and said to him I heard from my Rebbe, the Margaret of Mizritch, that the face you show up to heaven is the face they will show you down below. So if you show a smiling face, you'll get a smile back. If you show a sad face, you'll get sadness back.
Speaker 1:Well, we're very into that actually, and this may have been the last thing the Al-Tareb ever said, Because within the hour he made Afdala and then was this talk as he passed away. But Tzemaqtzedek writes this. I use this a lot.
Speaker 3:And he explains it.
Speaker 1:He explains the whole thing about reflection projection. That the so it's not faking it, because the truth is, your Neshama is always besam.
Speaker 2:It's also that words come from the heart and to the heart. Exactly so you know, it's also that if we smile to Hashem, if we pray to Hashem with the heart and I think we have to stop.
Speaker 1:We have to get out of the juvenile attitude that Murshana comes and magic is gonna happen.
Speaker 2:Right right.
Speaker 1:You have to bring yourself to it, the more you bring it. Listen again Hashem can do anything. He can make a miracle, make you smile, even if you're not in the mood. But the more you can bring yourself with your effort, the more you'll get in return. And it's not easy. I'm not going to say here sit here and say that if a person's really dealing with a challenging situation, it's just automatic, it's work, it's work you have to always remember.
Speaker 1:We say every morning Shamoshan. You know we say Zaatabinishmosi, moidani, lephanachah, every day. We thank God for returning my soul to me. Someone asked me I'm not happy that my soul came back. I'm very depressed. I'd rather not walk up to that. Some people tell me they don't wanna wake up sometimes. So why would I say Moidani? I said because God is telling you that you have something stronger than your melancholy is your Nishama? Acknowledge it. It's a gift. It's like the light is stronger than your darkness. But you have to talk about Bittal Sometimes. Bittal means also putting aside your negative feelings and realizing there's a bigger picture here.
Speaker 2:Well, I think that's a very positive way to look at it, like letting go of the guilt and being accountable, and then also smiling to Hashem, being sincere, and we'll get the smile back. It's actually a positive twist to Rosh Hashanah Instead of looking at as guilty, we're coming in with a positive attitude of a new opportunity, this new light that we're trying to tap into.
Speaker 1:Well said beautiful yeah.
Speaker 2:To ask you when we say to Shuva to fill out Sadaka, maverian Asrwa Haksera, when we do to Shuva to fill in Sadaka, we can change an evil decree, hashem. Well, this is kind of a free will question. Hashem already knows what's gonna happen and what's gonna be. Is it really possible for us to change that? Obviously yes, because it says that in the Siddharth. But what do we have to do to actually make that change?
Speaker 1:So as a good Jew, I'll answer a question with a question. What does Xehrimine altogether Like? Why is God making these bad decrees that we need to abolish them and get rid of them? What is this thing about the decrees, which goes back to the attitude that so many of us have, that Rosh Hashanah is like almost a day of punishment, a day of judgment, a day we should be trembling because we're standing before the Almighty Judge. So I wanna begin by saying this it's not just a Hasidic concept.
Speaker 1:The Torah, who's one of the great codifiers of Jewish law, so he writes why do Jews wear white in the holidays, like we wear a kittle and other white clothing? And he says because when you go into judgment, we know that the guilty party would wear dark, black and only if you were innocent you wore white here. We didn't even begin judgment day and we're already wearing white. So you know, this is what he says. He says because the Jewish people are a unique nation. They know God's personality. That's what he says. They know God's personality and they know absolutely that God loves them. And they know for sure they're going to be innocent before judgment day. And so they come in with wearing white. They're confident.
Speaker 2:So we're manifesting.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So then the question, of course, is that what means this, xeris? Why are we abolishing decrees and why are we saying doing Chuvah and so on? And the answer goes back to what we spoke about before. God is not some principal in a school that's punishing students. He's not getting even with us. This isn't retribution, this isn't vengeance, this isn't a punitive. This is a loving relationship. Love demands expectations. It demands certain standards. Who do you ask to be accountable? You're never going to ask God for a bit. Someone who's handicapped? Well, someone who's incapable to be accountable for something they're not capable of doing. You're not going to ask your one year old to be accountable for something a one year old can be. You ask people to be accountable for the ones you love and the ones you trust, and you expect from them to live up to the highest standards.
Speaker 1:So if I were to translate all these prayer books, I would change all the words Xeris. I would never translate as a harsh decree. I would translate it as a schism in a relationship, because there it means a schism also a split, a dissonance. What do you think? Avera means sin. So most people talk sin, transgression, you know, and the Avera comes from the word Havara. It's we'll call it psychologically dissonance. It's called misalignment. When you do something that you shouldn't have done, you misalign yourself with your own purpose. When you and your spouse in some way have hurt each other, you create a misalignment. And the mitzvah comes from the word connection. You're reconnecting. What is chuvah Return? Ritvah is not repentance. You're returning back to your natural state.
Speaker 1:I think that a lot of the Hebrew words have been mistranslated and they've created a new stereotype and myths. That's why religion is associated so often with negative things. You know, I don't know if you've ever heard of a man called Woody Allen, but yeah, look at any Woody Allen movie. Look at the cynical and the sarcastic view on Judaism. I mean, I can give you a whole list of all the anti-religious jokes, but basically religion is associated either with nonsense, superstition or all kinds of fears and neurosis. That's what it's associated with. I mean, I would like this thing and I leave a part of this.
Speaker 1:The goal of your program is to introduce people to realize that Rosh Hashanah and Kippur Judaism has a soul to it. Also, it's not just the mechanics of banging your chest and doing truva. It's a relationship that you're building with God. So when you think of it that way, then you say, okay, it's a relationship with God. What is this, ghazira here? And what is this idea?
Speaker 1:That when we do something there is reward and punishment, so even reward and punishment, the Shalom says. He says that reward and punishment is cause and effect. When a person puts their hand in fire, you don't say the fire is punishing you, it's the cause and effect, the natural cause and effect. If you hurt someone, in effect it's also hurting yourself. So, ghazira Gullus, all these things we call punishments are cause and effect. But the Jews were had sinned us in them, unfortunately. They had baseless hatred for each other. So Hashem said I can't be among my children that are fighting with God. I can't come to a house where my children are fighting with each other. It's not like God is punishing us. It's cause and effect and you want me back? Love each other, unite with each other. So, if you look at it that way, rosh Hashanim, kippur really are tools of how to reconnect. And I should add this I think this is a big part of my book 60 Days.
Speaker 1:People don't realize that the whole story of the Jewish calendar is really a narrative. The Jews leave Egypt 49,. 50 days later they receive the Torah. 39 days later they build a golden calf, moses. Moisha breaks the tablets, goes back to God begging for forgiveness. 40 days and then another 40 days, so 80 days later. Basically, 120 days from Matantara and 170 days from when they left, egypt is Yom Kippur. Why is it the holiest day of the year? Cause Moisha Rabbeinu basically gained, regained a reconciliation and forgiveness after the Jews had betrayed God. So essentially, what you have is the story of love, betrayal and reconciliation. It's the whole story of Judaism. So when you think of Rosh Hashanim Kippur, where's Moisha Rabbeinu right now on the mountain trying to rebuild a relationship that was severed in some way? So that's Rosh Hashanim Kippur. You're rebuilding a connection Many of us have wandered off.
Speaker 1:Either we become too materialistic or distracted, or maybe did things worse than that. Everybody has their list. But this is an opportunity to reclaim and regain and revisit and say but the love of God and the people is so deep, no matter what happened, we can. If we're accountable and we do our part, we can rejoin. So I see Xehra in that context. Xehra is one of the things that can create a severing and, unfortunately, can take the shape of a Holocaust. It can take the shape of terrible things, but then to the day, these are all effects, consequences of a disconnect between us and God. So the only solution is to reconnect, and that's why Chuvah, tv'ilah, tzduka are the way that those are all connectors, returning at Tv'ilah, praying and Tzduka, so I mean I-.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you see someone-.
Speaker 1:We're all Y'shiva educated people.
Speaker 2:I know I mean this is Maybe we need a new-.
Speaker 1:No, honestly, I didn't learn most of this in Y'shiva to be, very honest. I know this despite my Y'shiva upbringing. I learned in the Chalcedis, I learned it in the Pneimes, in the Nesham of Torah, because you start seeing, then it makes sense. It never made sense to me the idea of God being this angry guy sitting on a throne in heaven waiting to strike us with lightning while we misbehave.
Speaker 3:Right, that's like you know, I asked you how irreverent.
Speaker 1:I could be, but when it comes, when I hear that stuff, it's actually. I'm repulsed by it today Because I know that it's so. First of all, it's false and I know how distorting it is. I personally know people today that will not go to Shonim Kippur Tashul because of how much toxic toxicity and how much trauma they experience due to a negative religion. I know a guy that told me Rosh Hashanah for me was my father literally punching me and beating me why I'm not Davening and why I'm not. That's how Rosh Hashanah was for me, so why would I want to go to Shul? That just reminds me of an abusive father who was abusive regardless of the holiday. He just used it as an excuse. I mean, I don't like to repeat nightmare stories, but there and it gets worse than that, as you can imagine.
Speaker 3:So, assuming that a problem so I think it's the Einstein quote a problem can't be solved from the same place that was created, so how would you apply this to the example that you shared about this person who's you know he doesn't want to have anything to do with Shul or Rosh Hashanah because of his upbringing. How do you solve that?
Speaker 1:I'll tell you exactly the way. Sometimes you have to lose God before you find God. If something became toxic, if Shabbos became toxic as beautiful as Shabbos is, but because it becomes like you know, like God forbid, cancer kills healthy cells too. So sometimes that person has to what the G'mora says? The Talmud says that sometimes you have to break a Shabbos in order to keep. So. I would never tell anyone don't do Shabbos, but I would definitely tell them you need to get rid of the toxic stuff and then reclaim it and regain it. I'll tell you a story that happened. I do have a program every Sunday night. It's called my Life. Because it Is Supplied, it's very popular. People send in questions, anonymous, of all sorts, Taboo questions, things that are mind-boggling sometimes.
Speaker 2:This is online. It's also a podcast. Actually, it's a podcast. We'll include it in the notes. Every Sunday I do it.
Speaker 1:And doing it over 10 years. Very, very popular. You know, like over probably 10, 12,000 viewers every week and I get all kinds of questions. I want it to be anonymous, I don't need to know who it is. So I got a letter from one guy, an email, who says I feel fondly the courage. I'm married now 13 years. I never told this to anyone. I'm saying good to you.
Speaker 1:I hate Shabbos. I'm married, my wife, we keep Shabbos, we have children. I don't tell anyone, they don't know. But I hate Shabbos. And the reason I hate Shabbos is because Shabbos was my biggest nightmare. My father, who's a very angry man, couldn't wait till Friday night to humiliate me. But he asked me what did I learn that week? And he would always show me how I know nothing, how ignorant. He used me as a punching bag. He says I was so terrified of Shabbos that even Sunday I began to tremble because I know in six days of Shabbos that was Shabbos for him. I said I got married, I put on a good show, but I mommish. For me Shabbos is an ordeal. And he says do you mind talking about it? And I did. And I thought obviously I didn't know who it was and I said, my opinion you should share with your wife why shouldn't you? She should know, and maybe together you can find creative ways. Maybe you have to create a new type of Shabbos for yourself, because your Shabbos has been basically hijacked by an abusive father and that's what he began doing. He told his wife, he shared this with me and they began doing creative ideas, like a project with their children. They turned Shabbos into a whole new experience.
Speaker 1:So that's my answer to anyone, anyone who has experienced anything that's negative but they really want to preserve some of the original. They have to find a way to do it. I mean, for someone like Roshan Yom Kippur that can't go to shul because of these reasons, I would say stay home, find maybe a book, maybe 60 days or some other book that inspires you, and do something that will lift up your spirit. But we'll hear your prayer wherever you are. I wouldn't tell anyone to force themselves to do something that hurt them, because it's not going to. It's going to backfire. So you have to find ways, original, creative ways of how to reclaim that experience. This is a big challenge a lot of people have Now. Many don't admit it, they don't even talk about it, but many do, and to me that's the only way. The only way is to turn it into a personally beautiful experience.
Speaker 1:Now I have a line I take from Shulchan Oroch. It says better to say one meaningful, heartfelt prayer on Yom Kippur than read the whole Maghzir. That's what the altar of the says. Because you know, let's be honest, you know what a Maghzir is, right, I mean, I'm saying it's your audience. It's a book this size and some Maghzirs are this size. You tell me, can anyone read a book like this in a day?
Speaker 2:Here we're asked in a day of Yom Kippur. Somehow we manage.
Speaker 1:Why? Because most of us don't know what we're reading and we rely that God understands the words. Even if you read the English, frankly it's quite cryptic. I don't know if you ever tried.
Speaker 1:And a lot of it seems repetitive and I just I mean I ask myself so okay, so we rely on, say the words and Hashem will carry the words to heaven and everything will be fine. So I always tell people what stops you from taking one prayer, shema, this prayer, that prayer, and work on it. Pray for an hour with one line and the Chasim is already taking care of the rest. So it's not like and people say, I can do that, I don't have to say every word To me. It's not. I mean, you don't have to say every word. That's why you have a Chasim.
Speaker 1:I would rather that it be meaningful one line than a thousand lines that are meaningless. So you have to give people a little license and also a little lightness of spirit. That it's a day that you're speaking to God. You think he doesn't know who you are. He knows who you are. It's not. He's not saying I have only one way to do it Find the right Kavana, want your heart, want your, and if it's coming from a sincere place, I'm not going here not advocating. Let's write a new Shulchanarach and let's change the prayers.
Speaker 1:Prayers are sacred, but it's like music. I'll use an example. Someone's teaching someone music and they can't play the whole symphony. So tell them play one or two pages. If you say, if you don't play it all, you fail. No, it's a symphony. Rosh Hashanahim Kippur is a big symphony that goes on for hours. So play a few lines. You know, speak from your heart, and every year you grow. So even that attitude is already freeing for many, because you know it's not about that burden. If I don't see every prayer, some people think that's it. I'm not going to be describing the book of life and who knows what's going to happen next.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's what happened, and people say You're saying it's about the connection, a thousand percent Sure.
Speaker 1:You know, let me ask you we thank God, we all many people, I'm sure listening are happily married. Your relationship with your husband or with your wife, you think it's built on the grocery list of things that you do. There's a connection that you have and then automatically you do the other details. And sometimes you don't do them perfectly Right. But if the connection is not there, you're just going to. You know, imagine your husband coming and saying listen, here's a list of 20 things. If you don't do it, our relationship is going to be severed. That's not a relationship's work. The relationship is there and they're automatically. Then there are things we do. You know Right. Right, relationship that's built on changing light bulbs. We're not squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the tube, certainly. On that I don't know how much you know, I'm just using that as an example.
Speaker 3:I hope that doesn't no no, no, it makes perfect sense. That's a great example. I mean, we're always trying to get to the heart of an issue and you've addressed so many complicated questions. I'm sure Is there one that shows up quite a bit. You're like why can't we just get this already? Is there a question or an issue that's addressed in your opinion that we just need to wake up to?
Speaker 1:I've trained myself not to judge anyone. I have no judgmentalism in me. So when I hear somebody say something, even if I find it to be narcissistic, let's say, or exhibiting other problems they may have, I try to look deeper to see what I can say that will help the person. But there's sometimes I hear things that are like they're almost repulsive to me, but I avoid judging because I don't know what's going on.
Speaker 3:Yeah, what about the redundancy?
Speaker 1:So there's no. I mean, there is tremendous selfishness in many people that you hear, where they focus completely on themselves and they blame everything on everyone else and they don't even know it and they feel very sad for them. So I try to find as there's, some opening somewhere, because it's hard for me to give up on anyone and I'm a royal optimist, so I always feel what do they call it? A suffering optimist.
Speaker 2:You feel it as always hope.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because there's an ashamma. That's why I'm trained, that's why I think. I think about the ashamma and if I give up hope, then it's giving up on God. God created someone, but I sometimes see things that are very people are self-destructive.
Speaker 2:I would think that I would say selfishness is the most destructive thing. Oh very very selfishness.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't say it's the root of all the problems, because to me selfishness is a symptom. It's a symptom usually of insecurity and insecurity. So then you, the only way to cover up on your insecurity or to feel secure, you feel you need control and you blame others. Obviously, everything goes back to childhood very often. I mean everything, almost everything. A very, you know, a dysfunctional childhood where parents who are very, either very judgmental, very demanding, controlling it's going to have an impact on a child much deeper than we ever know. So it's important to recognize that and that's something you can't just rewire easily. You can't just say, okay, let's go back to your five-year-old experiences and say we'll change something. So the challenges I mean. Frederick Douglass said something. He was a interesting thinker. He said it's infinitely easy. I may be paraphrasing it's infinitely easier to bring up a healthy child than to fix a broken adult.
Speaker 1:I see this every day because I deal with many broken adults and I say to myself sometimes imagine if the child was brought up properly, how much that would prevent and preempt money, energy, pain, grief. It's like mind-boggling to me, and that's when I learned to appreciate a lot of what the Torah says about Chinuch and about the Rebbe's emphasis on children. Children, Because you do the right thing for children you can't imagine. The infinite implications of that are beyond our, and when you don't, I mean how much money is being spent right now on medications and anti-depressants and psych, whatever it is that people are trying to find some relief.
Speaker 1:So I to me, rosh Hashanah, especially for parents. It's all about make sure those children have beautiful experiences, because whatever you plant now is going to be forever, and we want to preempt many things. But then, of course, we're dealing with adults, so it's a vicious cycle because the adults are controlling the children. So what do we do then? So I, going back, your questions are very, very, very important, very, very good question. It's a you know what I see? Insecurity, a very, very big one, and then, of course, ultimately, emiss and integrity and honesty and sincerity. That is the best, our best hope. The person does not have that. They can be as smart as they want, but they don't have honesty, and the smarter they are, the more they cover up their tracks.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And their dishonesty uses their smartness against them.
Speaker 2:Are you saying the antidote? What are?
Speaker 1:you saying yeah, I'm saying emiss, to be honest. No, but you're saying in relation to someone being insecure or selfish, or secure, selfish or anything that is, persons plagued by their. First thing is honesty.
Speaker 2:Right. The first thing is to be honest.
Speaker 1:Because if you're not honest, then what do you work? There's no one to work with. You know, I was, I'm sitting so often with couples and I see you know I read it pretty quickly the situation and I see one of them is just not honest and I'll see, honest, that they're maliciously lying. They don't, they don't even have the capacity to acknowledge a problem so that you know. So they know how to hide it. But you see right away. And what do you do with it? Where do you go with that?
Speaker 2:But you know you wrote. You wrote in your one of the days of your book I think it was the reba that said there's nothing as whole as a broken heart. So some of these people are very broken and but yet you say there's nothing as whole as a broken heart. So how would you explain that?
Speaker 1:Well, listen, if a person knows they have a broken heart, that's good. But if they don't know it and they feel they have a complete heart and they think like I've had people who I see are broken and they say to me, I'm perfectly fine, it's my wife is the problem, or this one's the problem, that one's the problem, it's like neurosis.
Speaker 1:Neurosis is that way Broken heart means really that you feel it, that you feel a broken hitting rock bottom. You feel it's something inadequate, feeling something is missing. Let's be honest when people are in their comfort zone, completely in their comfort zone, that's the place where most of them will never change. When you're your happiest and everyone should be happy, don't get me wrong it's the time when you don't. Usually it's when there's a crack, when something is wrong. That's when you start thinking.
Speaker 2:Why don't, why can't we change when we're happy?
Speaker 1:You're asking Rufka the greatest million dollar question. I wish it was different. We have some chastaras.
Speaker 2:That is that a call. We have sockets and some chastaras that are called for change.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I think real happiness can bring change. But when we're comfortable, that's maybe the right word.
Speaker 3:I don't know if happy is the right word. When we're comfortable, I'm comfortable.
Speaker 1:Leave me alone, I'm comfortable. I remember during COVID you said your program began around COVID time. During COVID, one of the things, one of the blessings in the skies was people's comfort zones were disrupted. The security blankets were taken away so you couldn't hide. Oh, I'm going out to a restaurant tonight, or tomorrow I'm going to a game or I'm traveling. All that stopped. So now you're left like naked and you can't run to all your so I saw that that was actually for many people, terrible, but for many people was great, because it's like Warren Buffett put it. He said until the tide is out, you don't know who's been swimming naked. You know that's right, because when the tide is in, everybody is on top of the world.
Speaker 1:And so it's good to be vulnerable at times and feel what can I do to be better when you're very, very comfortable? Listen, I'm all for comfort. I like comfort. Who doesn't like comfort zones? But it's not usually the motivator for great growth.
Speaker 2:And that's what it means when you're saying that, when the Rebbe says there's nothing as whole as a broken yeah yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1:And it's also the brokenness that makes you feel, feel that you need more. And again, I think, brokenness. We're not here talking about God forbid wishing anyone trauma or grief. Don't put a brokenness where you feel you're not complete. You know, interesting during the 10 days of Chuva, the Arizal says that if someone doesn't cry during the 10 days of Chuva, their heart is not complete. Same idea their soul is not complete. I'm sorry, their soul is not complete Because the crying is like sometimes it's just an existential loneliness of crying. You're not talking about crying over particular loss, you're not just sensing that there's more. I remember the Rebbe crying simply because Mesh'er didn't come yet, not because there was a tragedy, just the idea that Hashem is not present. The life is not the way it should be, that there are people that are hurting, even if you're not. It's a sensitivity that we are not yet in a perfect world and those that are sensitive have a broken heart over it. So that's a good thing, it's empathy, it's called empathy.
Speaker 3:Right, and I also think there's this Carl Jung quote that neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering, because we're unwilling to go through the suffering that's necessary in order to grow. So then we develop, all we build these narratives that are often not true, like we're moving far away from our truth, and that's probably what's causing a lot of the hosts of mental health issues that we're experiencing today.
Speaker 1:So for sure. And if I could add, if we're talking about that already, addiction of all sorts, whether it's physical or psychological, or substance or behavior or any of it, is essentially what we call a type of connection or attachment disorder. You're attached to the wrong thing. We all need attachment. Nine months we spend in our mother's womb, early age, early childhood, nurturing, the care of parents. We need attachments, and if we don't have it, we're going to find it elsewhere and then we get attached to the wrong thing. You almost can't get detached because you must have attachment. Potentially a drug becomes like your mother, for lack of another way of putting it.
Speaker 1:And I think that's why, in Hebrew, ava love and echad same gamatria 13, because love something and being connected to something. It's all about connection and disconnection. We talked about connection, disconnection. It's really the story of the whole story. They built the golden calf and Moshe breaks the tablets, breaking and then repairing. Breaking and repairing is all about disconnection, dissonance and repair. Or in the words of Kabbalah Hasid, it's the shattering of the containers and tikkun the repair of the containers. We're here to bring it all together. I always feel that visual to me is very, very empowering the idea that every time you talk to someone, you have the ability to mend, like to bring together fragments that may have split. Every time you show love, you're doing another little mending, and all Cumulatively it's like connecting the whole world into one seamless tapestry, so to speak.
Speaker 1:It's a very good way to look at life and really you have two options You're either going to mend or you're going to split.
Speaker 2:There's nothing in between. Yeah, in between it's like you say either you're part of the problem or you're part of the solution. I was going to ask you that. Is that sorry to finish your line?
Speaker 1:No, no, there's the joke they say about the guy. They asked him. He said I used to think I'm indecisive, now I'm not so sure. In other words to be on the fence, I would say, is part of the problem, Because we need you. Know you're either climbing and you're doing something to just stand on the side.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:It's not.
Speaker 2:So you said problem and solution Was the world. You know we have problems. Is there a solution to every problem? Did Hashem create the world that there are solutions for every problem that we can fix?
Speaker 1:I love that question and it's a very good question. I must say yes. However, it's not always the solution. Sometimes is surprising, it's not always what we thought it is, you know Right, but there is Absolutely. First of all, let's I'll quote the Talmud.
Speaker 2:And I like the answer yes.
Speaker 1:The answer is yes, 100%. That's helpful. Absolutely, because there's one God. You know, we do not believe that there's a God and a devil who have equal powers. So if there's one God, it's like I met a woman who lost her husband at a young age. She had little children and she wrote to me and then I asked her about it. She said and the end, all will be good. If it's not good, it means it's not the end. So the fact that we believe in Mashiach means we absolutely believe that the end is going to be good. So that is, everything will be repaired. Questions how long it's going to take, and I'll say this. So to me it comes down to understanding again what is the essence of life. The Talmud says that, that he precedes every illness with a cure.
Speaker 2:So you have your answer. That's where the answer the cure precedes the illness. Right.
Speaker 1:That means not only is there a cure, but the cure was there before the illness, or else he couldn't have had the illness.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:I'll share another anecdote that brings to mind. Now you know we're on a roll here. Yeah, you like anecdotes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we love them. We've got stories. That makes it relatable. You do a lot of that in this book.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the previous LeBavit Shereb, rabbi Yosef Yitzhak, the Friede Kereb. So he went to Israel. He visited Israel in 1929. He spent a few months. He spent on his way out. He was on a boat through Alexandria in Egypt and on the boat they got a telegram that there was the pogrom in Chewra. 1921 was 1929. There was a big pogrom. I think over 80 people were massacred. It's a famous.
Speaker 1:When the Friede Kereb heard that he had an attack, I think his kidneys failed. He had such aggravation over it and he was in danger. You're on a boat, it's not like. But there was a doctor, vola Khoza's name I think. He was the head of a Dasa hospital and he was on the boat. So he administered to the river and he got him out of danger. Listen to this, this amazing story to me. The doctor comes to the Reb afterwards and says I want to ask you for forgiveness. So the Reb says forgiveness, you saved my life. Why would you ask for forgiveness? He said because Hashem does not send an illness unless there's a cure. If I was not on the boat you would never have become sick to that point.
Speaker 2:But because there was a doctor in the boat, so Hashem allowed that to happen. And I've not been here.
Speaker 1:This is called bedside manner.
Speaker 2:I just found it to be really unbelievable, in other words you felt, if he wasn't there, he was the cure, and if he wasn't there, yeah, if he wasn't there, there wouldn't have happened.
Speaker 1:I mean, just interesting Swiss done it. But the point is, yeah, yeah, we have to believe it.
Speaker 2:But that's not only referring to illness, anything I'm saying there's a shirk crisis. There's problems in the world. There's cancer.
Speaker 1:Look, you could always ask the question. So then, what about all the prayers we pray? You say tell him. And a child, rachmanel, it's land dies anyway. I mean, I don't want to mention that, but you know, and so we have as the solution. So that's why I said we don't always know, because we don't know God's ways and we don't know the future and we don't know the bigger plan.
Speaker 1:But to take an attitude where a person says you know, I'm hopeless for me, it's over, I will never get married, or I'm suffering, that's my destiny, it goes against everything I believe is Judaism. Judaism says you have an ashamma, you have a God that watches over you. I don't care what happened yesterday or two days ago, you're not smarter than God. You can't predict what will be. You know. That's the whole point. If God is to be God, we don't tell God what to do. He tells us what to do and you have to accept that. I'm not here to tell anyone to have to accept God, but if it means anything, it means that you're ready to subject yourself that there's a boss. You know. This is somebody that tells us what is going to happen.
Speaker 2:Let's say, in a global way, like, for example, the world, today's social media. It's a good thing, for example, the teachings that you share. It has also become a very detrimental thing, and you wonder is there a solution to this? I'm saying, for example, a global issue. So I guess each one individually can do our part, but you wonder, with many global issues, is there, did Hashem give us a solution to work on?
Speaker 1:The answer is absolutely yes. The examples you gave are, frankly, I think, easier to explain, because it's like I have in my book Torted Meaning for Life. When a little girl asked the Rebbe is atomic energy? That was the big thing then. Is atomic energy a positive or a negative? And the Rebbe said to her is a kitchen knife a good thing or a bad thing? If you use it to cut food, cut a challah, it's good. If you use it God forbid to hurt someone, it's bad. In other words, there are things in this world that we call Clippus Neuga in the language of Qusidus that are neutral.
Speaker 1:So technology is neutral. Technology is not good or bad. It's just a science, is not the Nazi scientists use it to kill people. There are others that use it to help save lives. So that is our choice. That's the partnership God made with us. I'll give you resources, I'll give you gold. You can build with gold a temple, a base on Mughalsh, or you can build with gold golden temples of golden calves and worship money and worship materialism, and that's our choice.
Speaker 1:It's more complicated when you get the things that are like natural disasters, or where you see a person for no innocent person suddenly contracts some machlisome illness and it's like why? Why would this person have to suffer? Or the Holocaust, for that matter. Six million Jews, one half million innocent children. That's where we have to put up our hands and say we don't understand God's ways, we don't even go there. What are we gonna say? You wanna justify so, but our attitude? Look, I've been thank God, I've been blessed in my life. Yes, I had my father passed away 18 years ago, but more or less, I would say, my immediate family. Pretty much blessings, and Hashem should bless us all.
Speaker 2:And may they continue.
Speaker 1:Right, and I hope for you too, and for all the listeners.
Speaker 1:But I've also been around people who have suffered, who have lost their parents at a young age, people who've lost children, people who've lost you know. I mean I don't have to start enumerating, but we know how bad it can be and I see some people fall apart and their lives are destroyed and some people, for some reason, have this resilience, they dig deeper and they're normal. We're not talking about they rebuild, they build and you always wanna know what's the formula. I always see the formula comes down to that they had a healthy support system and they had faith, faith, god in the bigger picture and that's like what held them up when all else failed, like a woman who had lost a lot. She was like a. She was in a terrorist attack in Israel and they had to rebuild her whole face. So I'm going into graphic detail.
Speaker 2:So she told yeah, I met her.
Speaker 1:She came into a class of mine and she told me I mean, it's a long story she was American girl who was completely secular. She went to Israel to study in Yeshiva against her parents' will and she happened to be Friday in one of the cafes when there was one of those attacks back in the 90s.
Speaker 2:Remember that 1980s or 90s, 90 days. I remember one exactly.
Speaker 1:Bottom line is, as she said. She asked every day. She said to God, take my life, why you took my face, you took my hearing, you took my sense. I mean she like lost a lot. And then one day she woke up, she said, with a surge of willpower to live, to want to live. And she said these words I'll never forget and this is coming from a credible source. She said you don't know the power of betokhan, of trust and faith, until you have nothing left but betokhan. Hear that she said.
Speaker 1:So I realized the power of it to have that connection. That is the formula and as much as we can complain to God why he allows these things to happen, the same God is what gives the strength to get through it. As paradoxical as it sounds, that is ultimately and I see it. I mean I'm sure. Go back to your parents, grandparents, great grandparents, everyone in our families. I don't think there's a person. Look at that moment where they had that extra strength of hope that they'd make it through, where they had to escape a certain country. Today we have it easy relatively, but there was a time we lived in really very terrible circumstances. It always came down to that extra. But the Vahisha on the London, like we say Pesach, that there was the faith that would stood, that helped us get through the difficult times. This is why, in the merit of Jewish women, we go out of Golis, out of Mitzvah, because they had faith.
Speaker 1:It's true healthy faith is a tremendous resource.
Speaker 3:It's very comforting to know that, no matter what a person's dealing with, there's someone out there who their lives fell. Apart from it, and there's another person out there who was resilient from a very similar situation. So there's always hope for a better tomorrow, no matter what a person's dealing with. It's just we need to work on a resilient.
Speaker 1:But bringing back to Rosh Hashanah theme look, rosh Hashanah, we say, is the day when Kabbalah is Malchus.
Speaker 1:We, we accept God as, essentially, it's the creation of the world, it's the creation of the human being, it's our collective birthday and it's when God makes us create this relationship. So, in a way, if I were to sum it up in one line, rosh Hashanah is your day as a human being to embrace that partnership with God, the vote of confidence in you that you will live up to why you're here and when you have that connection, as the expression from a mayor of Prim-Islam, when you're Tzukibun-e-Aibn Falkhman-Islam, when you're bound above, you don't fall below, because you have something to hold onto. That is really what it comes down to. I think the 12 steps and almost everything in recovery and healing goes back to that principle. You can't do it yourself. You have something to hold onto, in this case Hashem, the ones that love you, values that you hold onto, the things that are stronger than you are. You mentioned before, you can't solve a problem from within the system, so you need something outside the system, and we have that too. That's our soul, that's our connection.
Speaker 3:Right, and so now we have the energy of the holiday season, let's say where Hashem is close. How do we use it to our advantage? Now, what can we do practically?
Speaker 1:Well, we've covered very directly this I think each of us has to. I like to think in terms you wanna give people tools they can work with? Yeah, you tell people things that are too much and they can't buy it off more than they can choose. So to me, it comes down to a few key meditations, if you wish, or key thoughts, I guess, talking points. I don't know what the word for it bullets. One is that Rosh Hashan is your beginning. Rosh Hashan is God renewing your contracts. So you have to ask yourself, if you're standing with God right now, what would you say? Both what you need, but also what you're bringing to the table. It's not only just what you need, you have to also share. What am I contributing?
Speaker 1:I think many people let's be honest are usually distracted. Most of us will say I was very busy this year. I had family, I had business, I had other distractions and I didn't have time to think about the things that mattered most. A lot of people will say that, fine, say that to God. There's nothing wrong with saying that. Okay, but be honest. Be honest, because if you're not honest, then how are we gonna build a relationship You're not even acknowledging?
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:So I think honesty around that.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I think, asking ourselves a question like why am I here? Most people answer to be happy to make money. I can buy everything I need. I'll give a lot of stucco, I wanna bring up a healthy family, but it's a lot more than that. You've got skills. You have tools.
Speaker 1:I mentioned to you in the beginning both of you. I'm gonna use you as a living example. I don't know how you ended up doing this program, but you're doing it. You're using your skills and your charisma and your connections to bring a message of hope and guidance to thousands, maybe millions of people. Ultimately, that, to me, is something I'm not saying to flatter you. You can stay at Hashem. We dedicate a time and energy to do that.
Speaker 1:Now, whether you gain personally satisfaction, that's fine. It doesn't say everywhere you have to do anything selflessly, but you're doing it. You're doing it for a cause. That's just not just about you. To me, it's a perfect example that you have in some way found some mission. This is addition to being great wives and mothers and everything else you're doing in your life, which I'm sure you're doing great things. But I'm saying to me that's an example If everybody listening to this program would say let me find something that I can do in the same way. You've got musical talent. Why don't you go once a month? Find yourself, go to an old age home, go to a home of special children, play some songs for them, bring some smiles to people I'm just throwing out some other wins.
Speaker 3:That's what it's all about.
Speaker 1:To me, this is Rosh Hashan at his essence. It's not just sitting and reading a sitter and going to shul. Obviously, we have the customs and we dip an apple in honey and we want a sweet year, but it comes down to my mission in this world. To me, if you can personalize it like that, you have a real Rosh Hashan and that will change your life. Because if you don't do it that way, you're going to go through the traditions and then we come next year and we'll do the same thing again and again and again. It's personalizing it Honestly, like in your case. I mean you're sitting right now. I'm sure you're thinking about what are you going to do next year in your program. That to me, is a Rosh Hashan experience because that's what you're doing. I mean I do the same in my work.
Speaker 1:I feel very proud, and you don't have to be necessarily full time in shlichus work or hafazah work. You can be a business person, you can be doing other things, but you know that all of it is an end to it. It's not the business that you're running. It's why you're running that business, in order to either reach certain people. I think anyone who has that sense knows the reason I'm placed. Why did Hashem give me this atzlacha? It may be because I have to meet certain people, and that's the people that I'm going to ultimately, you know, one day. Then the shamas were affected by me and I was affected by them. I mean, it's essentially a higher state of consciousness in everything that you do. That's what it really comes down to.
Speaker 2:People are going to be listening to this before Rosh Hashanah and before Yom Kippur and before Sukkush. So let's say, going into Yom Kippur, is that that same way of thinking? Going into Yom Kippur, what are we going to do?
Speaker 1:In general terms, yes, but let's break it down.
Speaker 1:I think, since it's three, we'll call it three milestones. So Rosh Hashanah, I would say, is renewal, like the renewed attitude, a new year, new energy. You mentioned my mission, my calling the birthday that's when the human being is born Yom Kippur. I would look at more like the birth of hope, forgiveness, sanctity, because that's what it is. You know, mending things, knowing that even when things are broken, you can fix it. That would be, I think, the real energy of Yom Kippur.
Speaker 1:And Sukkush is the energy of joy, of celebrating life, celebrating your connection. It's actually Iqsid says that Sukkush is the celebration of Rosh Hashanah, yom Kippur. You know, like you don't dance and make somersault. On Rosh Hashanah, yom Kippur, it's more serious. On Sukkush, we like explode in song. It's like the by the Chuppah, it's more serious, and then afterwards you do the dancing right. The idea is that Rosh Hashanah, yom Kippur is like the connection and Sukkush is the celebration of it, and celebrating in an unlimited way, all the way through the days of Sukkush, all the way through Sukkush Torah, and that's what it says. I mean, and remember Rosh Hashanah, yom Kippur and Sukkush can also be carried over to every day, like when we say Maudani in the morning, it's a mini Rosh Hashanah. When we say Shom Anesrei, it's a mini Yom Kippur and the Sukkush in general of our Mitzvahs of the day. It's like a Sukkush.
Speaker 2:So yeah.
Speaker 1:So it's not a one-time thing, which, again to me, once you compartmentalize it like that okay, you know, tishre is over, let's move on. Next is Halloween. I mean, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Or Thanksgiving Next year, hanukkah Okay, I just meant the next party, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure. And I just have to say, and a personal note, remember I grew up, I saw the Rebbe on Rosh Hashanah, yom Kippur, sukkush, so I saw, like how it's supposed to be done by the top.
Speaker 2:So tell us something that impacted you from then.
Speaker 1:Let's start with Rosh Hashanah. Okay, so Rosh Hashanah, the highlight was Shofar, sounding of the Shofar, the Rebbe Blues Shofar, every year made the blessings. So I remember this from my youngest childhood. I remember I think the first time I ever saw the Rebbe of Rosh Hashanah was 770, was much smaller than it is today, and my father took me to the roof. It was a skylight, the skylight was open, so we were by the roof peeking down and we were like on top of the Rebbe, the.
Speaker 2:Rebbe was like down there.
Speaker 1:From the roof and remember we were leaning over and I said to my father you know, I think I could fall over here. He says it won't be so bad, you'll fall in the right place. That was the childhood. But on a serious note, you know it's hard for me to put into words a moment of truth. You know those moments, that magical moments in life whether you see something in nature or yeah. Dave your wedding or anything that's like no words words are just not so.
Speaker 1:I'm thinking about it as we speak the Rebbe's face glowing. He had this talus. His face was completely I would say it was non-human almost. It was like angelic glowing. It was like such a glow. They had this tremendous forehead and by the talus he was wearing a hat, so it was like a shine, and in front of him were the bags they sealed bags with all the notes that everybody wrote in, sharing all their pains and their joys and their needs. And I remember, thinking about it, that here is all and the Rebbe would throw his talus over it and he would cry and the whole show was. I talked about thousands of people. You could hear it pin drop. You hear the Rebbe whimpering like on Rosh Hashanah, I mean.
Speaker 2:Was this on Rosh Hashanah at night On Rosh?
Speaker 1:Hashanah at before Shover, at before Shover. He's standing on the Bima and those bags are there and he puts his talus over it and that would say lam na tseach.
Speaker 2:Well, that's very special. I mean, I grew up in Australia and never heard it, and I know many listeners who never met the Rebbe and you're sharing this and that's very special. Either way, were you ever at the Tishrei, at the Rebbe?
Speaker 1:No, so we were all. It was awesome and it was, you saw, at Sadiq. You know, you saw a man of God like standing and I mean it brings me even to emotions as I speak, you know standing on behalf of all of us, beseaching. It was a moment that I live with all the time because it's like you know, lifts all of humanity to another place and I felt like heaven on earth. Yeah, I never would forget something like that. It was absolutely of a different dimension, but that was the experience.
Speaker 1:The main thing was to live with it afterwards, to integrate it. To integrate it and remember the sounding of the Shover took long by the Rebbe's sound. The Shover was difficult because, as I came to learn, he wasn't just a trumpet blower, it was piercing heavens and that's not so easy to do. So the same sound that afterwards someone else would blow the Shover the later sounds was easy for them, but for Rebbe it wasn't because he was dealing with he's talking about Xeris dealing with all the different blockages. So imagine all the toxic blocks and the obstacles and impediments and he's trying to pierce your way through and it's a bunch of us who are far from perfect human beings. That was the. You know, maybe I'm being poetic, but it was my. It was like a cosmic experience. That was Rosh Hashanah Did you feel uplifted?
Speaker 2:Did you feel like the Rebbe was lifting you up?
Speaker 1:Absolutely, I was transformed. I don't think I'm the person today. I mean, it was obviously a combination. I worked for the Rebbe, for bring-ins and talks, but Rosh Hashanah was like brought it all together, you know, and especially when you were familiar with the Rebbe throughout. So Hashanah was like a special. Of course, I wasn't just transformed, I transformed till this day because of it.
Speaker 2:Were you wearing a tissue With moments of truth. I was never there. To tissue, it's emis.
Speaker 1:The moments of truth.
Speaker 2:I wish that I would have seen that In a world of Shekhar.
Speaker 1:In a world of many falsities and plenty of duplicity, you don't forget moments of truth. They stand out, they're very glaring, it's like you know moments of light in a dark room. You remember them very well and they take you with you. And they take you and they empower you and the way it drives me what I do today. I try to bring some of that emis and some of that light into my work. I have no question about that, that's for sure. And the more you can do that, the more you're a channeler.
Speaker 2:And then Yom Kippur.
Speaker 1:Yom Kippur. Yom Kippur that stands out most are a few things. Whereas, first of all, before Yom Kippur began, right before Kon Nidre, the Rebbe would give a blessing to the students, to the Tmimim of the Yeshiva, and it was only the Rebbe and the students, nobody else was allowed in Upstairs. Awesome, because it was a father and his children, and we know the Rebbe didn't have a biological children and this was like special Because the Rebbe had actually initiated. He said before Kon Nidre, a father blesses children and since the students had children, so the Rebbe would come in with a kitl talus. So it was Yom Kippur right before Kon Nidre and start with Vajdabur Vyur Ivarachacha. It was not dry eye in the room, it was packed like we were sardines, the walls were sweating, but the father was talking to us and it was like a special love and it was only once a year. So we didn't have this every day and we knew it was. I know people's lives change. Right there in that room I know someone, more than one person, told me how you know, because that was that connection, the father and children. That was before Yom Kippur started. And then I mean Yom Kippur, every minute was rich with stuff.
Speaker 1:But when the Rebbe would stand up at the end of Yom Kippur by Napoleon's March, he would go up on his chair and dance, and also one of those. It was like a march of victory after a whole day Yom Kippur. You know, it's at the end and the Rebbe's talus was covering his whole face and you could see. It was awesome as well. Another I'm trying to give, and they were all different. It's everything had its own energy, you know. And then there's Simkhustara, simkhustara, my memories, yeah, the Rebbe dancing in the middle and leading a crowd. It was a and I want to compare it to a rock concert, you know, but some people, that's the only thing they did.
Speaker 2:It was a holy rock concert.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you have to be there to understand, to get that energy. It was ecstasy. It was ecstasy.
Speaker 1:It was, and there was no physical music, it was only people singing, but it was like the highest of the high the Rebbe would lead and it was, you know, without Haka Bala. It's like the Rebbe generally was very discreet and things were done very reserved and very dignified. And then Simkhustara was all out and um.
Speaker 1:So you really let just let go of any of your sorrows and tapped into this place of During that those moments, those that evening, and it was the night of Simkhustara, the night of Simkhustara, and then, by day, it was. You know, you're bringing me back to it. I live it like today, as it was then. Nothing changed, time has not passed. In this regard, these are eternal moments and will never, ever and it was all part of that and relentless, tell you. I mean today.
Speaker 1:You know we all have our challenges. I do a lot of work. People ask me what drives me. You know there are these. This is what drives me, because it lives within me. It's not for me, it's not a past Right, it's the present. And also the Rebbe had this way of you felt responsible to carry it on. It wasn't. Oh, I'm, you know nostalgia I'm telling you about. Let's go visit the museum of the past. You know, I feel like this is our responsibility to bring it to others, and I think that's why the Rebbe did it. It was not about it was, it was it's to perpetuate it to our children and so on. You know, my children were little but I took them. But I feel, you know, I see, today I don't cry over the fact that people have not seen the Rebbe.
Speaker 2:Well, that's what I was going to ask you what?
Speaker 1:I don't know what is that element? But I don't. I look at the opposite way. You know, we, those that of us that did see it, how can we articulate?
Speaker 3:it.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:How can we convey it Right?
Speaker 1:It was just like things that you convey to your children. You know those those little quiet moments that nobody knows. You convey it with a look in your children's eyes, with a word. You know you convey to them some of the beautiful things of your life, like a grandfather or grandmother. The Rebbe Right.
Speaker 2:One of them is walking by the Rebbe. Like I understand that feeling because of what experience walking past the Rebbe for dollars and we both of us and a lot of our listeners never experienced a tishray.
Speaker 1:I know so. I mean so in many ways I try for me. I write a book 60 days. I try to do other things, I do videos. I try even now. I mean I'm proud of Shana's the energy that you're bringing to even sharing the story.
Speaker 2:The energy that you're bringing to pass on to this generation.
Speaker 3:It's being transmitted. That's how it ends.
Speaker 1:But I want also. You see, to me it's not a cult personality, it's not that the Rebbe charismatic blew eye To me. He represented, like you know, a man of God, you know, like a Maishra Beno, a person that was living his life 24, seven of what God wants of you. How many people can say that? And so so a tishray, a Rosh Hashanim Kippur Sukkhas, was a man of God, experiencing it. You know, to me that's a living example.
Speaker 2:Yes, so what would you say on a tishray today? Let's talk about Sukkhas and some Chastara. To make it more meaningful where we can, we can like. Let's say, make meaningful conversations at a Sukkhas table. What would you tell the generation today?
Speaker 1:Great.
Speaker 2:We don't have what you had.
Speaker 1:Well, I definitely would. I'm not a believer in saying, oh, we had it and too bad on you, you didn't have it. I don't feel that way at all. That's not how I think you know, because I didn't have other things. My parents and grandparents must have had other. You know, I would say a few things. I think it's it's it's looking for the right words. I think you want to find these truths within yourself and, like I mentioned before, you're calling to me. The goal was not to share a story that inspires about the Revva but, more importantly, how you can re-experience it yourself in your own way. And the fact that we don't have the Revva physically that's how God made it. That means we cannot think of it, that we're deprived. We have to think there must be another way of experiencing it and that's through our being mashbiah, influencing others. I think many shluchim those that made the Revva, those that didn't. Many feel that when they inspire others, they're recreating that picture. So I look at it like that. You've been to the Kotel right Almost everybody.
Speaker 2:It's just there.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, so you know, besides the history behind it, but ultimately what are you really experiencing? You know, this is a place, a wall, that's standing. For thousands of years the Jews cried at this wall. There was a base I make to share. We're not living in the past. We're trying to say you know, we leave from this wall. Let's take this kudushah, this holiness, into my life.
Speaker 1:So I tried to figure out how to bring what the Revva represents into your life. Like you know, to be honest, the first rosh Hashanah I remember after the Revva's passing or I would say not after the stroke and the first time I heard someone else's sound show, for which I never in my life did, it was almost a joke to me. It was like a guy getting up and playing a you know blowing a horn and it was like not even comparable. I mean, I remember I was like almost embarrassed, and not that this guy was no good, he was a good trumpet sounder. But there's especially, you know, astraya am yeideh sirua, not teke sirua. It says not someone who sounds the show for, but someone who knows the secret of the show for. But I didn't blame him, I you know. But then I realized no, that's not. That's not the way to go. We have to figure out how do we capture that spirit, you know. So in my case, for example, I've read I've led many rosh Hashanah services. I'll be leading here in Florida doing this rosh Hashanah.
Speaker 1:So what I try to do is yeah, I try to go back to what I experienced and convey it. I'll probably tell a story of what I saw before chauffeur, so try to evoke the, the personal feeling of commitment. You know there are moments when you feel that I'm all the way in you know later sometimes it dissipates, but in a moment of real.
Speaker 1:That's why I try to create that high moment of connection. And so that's the job, that's as much as you can do, and I think that's the way we live up to it. I don't think we can recreate the actual experience exactly as it was. That's why you have a Rev. But we can experience, we can personalize, we can internalize it. I do feel, I do see there are people who are literally their lives are connected. They will do everything to perpetuate Torah Siddhis, the Rev Siddhis, message teachings to me this is that's part of the extension of these experiences.
Speaker 3:Accountability also.
Speaker 1:It's where you're doing our part.
Speaker 3:Everyone, everyone has some part to play. If we're here, we do.
Speaker 1:It's also important to be able to answer a tough question if your children ask you Okay, you took so and such awe of the Rev. You went by dollars like a biggest event. You know I talk about it my way. What does it mean to me? I never met this man. So your challenge is how are you going to translate the power of the Rev in a way that your child, who never met the Rev, is going to?
Speaker 1:It's not enough to see a video. You know, video gives you the history of it. You have to find. So I tell I would say to my grandchildren my children did see that. But to my grandchildren I would say remember, you have a unique mission in this world. That's how do I know? Because I heard from this man and he lived it and he tries to make me live it. And if you live up to finding your calling, your mission, your accountability, you will be a chaser of the Rev and the Rev will live through you. So you have to personalize it, you have to make it person feel it's relevant to me, not because remember the Rev, because he's relevant to your father, your grandfather.
Speaker 1:That's nice for having a picture of your great grandfather on the wall, but that's not. Why is it relevant to me? It's like what he means to me. What is, how does he and how do you do that? You learn the Rev's teachings and you follow his guidelines? It's not the image of the person as much as what he stands for the cause.
Speaker 3:The walk, the walk.
Speaker 1:Okay, I hope this I feel inadequate whether this does justice to say. I didn't think we'd go all the way there.
Speaker 2:We go in a different direction, but this is the most powerful direction.
Speaker 1:I'm more delighted than delighted. I mean, I was like, should I say this is why we're here to travel?
Speaker 2:I'll take it to a more practical path now.
Speaker 3:That's why we end with quotes, because we need to bring it all together.
Speaker 2:I thought just for Sukkis. I know you wrote the book Towards a Meaningful Life, so you enter meaningful topics and conversations. What do you think at a Sukkis table and all the gatherings together, there's going to be Rosh Hashanah, Erufim Kippur meal. What are Sukkis? Some Chastara? What are some meaningful conversations in today's world that we can bring up?
Speaker 3:Or some stories, cute stories or anecdotes.
Speaker 1:Well, I would always begin. I'm a big believer in especially for children and for adults as well. A business can't function without a mission statement. What is your mission statement in life? I think it's one of the most provocative questions and, if it's stated right, you could really have conversations endlessly about it.
Speaker 2:Go around the table and ask everybody what their mission statement is, maybe you're going to have to start with yourself to be an example.
Speaker 1:What do they think? Is there why they think they're here, even if they don't have an answer? Remember the question of a wise person has half an answer. Plant a question like that in someone's mind gets them thinking. I remember a few years ago a woman wrote to me, a mother. She says Rosh Hashanah's coming. What do you suggest I can do for my children? Like something new. And I thought about it a lot. I had a whole series of different things that happened and I said I wrote an article about it that a lot of people actually used. I wrote what you can do is, every morning and every evening when you wake your children or they go to sleep, besides telling them I love you and all that, also say God sent you to me and I'm blessed to have you as my child and I'm here to do everything I can to help you live up to your calling, to your purpose. And I'm like a gardener in a garden and I'm honored and blessed to be able to consider you my child. And you say that when you say Moedani Shachzatabinash, masi Shamosh Anasatabitahari, and then in the evening, biyat Haaf Kedruchi, and I say. I can assure you you do this every day. It will become a conversation piece and that's what happened.
Speaker 1:I wrote an article, maybe over five years ago probably, and I can't tell you. This woman and others wrote to me. It was excellent. It changed our whole by breakfast. By lunch we talk about it. My husband talked and started becoming a conversation. So it's a bad language, shlichis but shlichis also become an overused word. What does it really mean? Shlichis means you're on a mission. It's tremendous how many people of eight billion people on this planet know they're here for a particular mission, and if you don't do it, no one else can do it but you. To me, this is as quintessential to Rosh Hashanah as anything, because that's Audemars Chavah, purim, gatenaden, law of the Lashamra. And are you going to do it? Or they wander off and decided to do something else. So I mean I would focus on the positive. That's definitely one talking point, in my view. You have to find the right language for the right people.
Speaker 2:Actually, this could be a language. We actually did a conversation once with each other on one of our episodes, where we brought up different ways to have more meaningful relationships and conversations with people, and one of the things you could ask people is, instead of asking them how's life treating you, you could ask them how are you treating life?
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:It's kind of a similar thing when you ask yourself how are you treating life? You kind of sewn into what is my mission, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah and listen, you could talk about it more philosophically. You could talk more psychologically, more personally. There are many ways, and it also doesn't hurt, especially with young children, doesn't hurt. Incentivize and get your children to be creative a little. Let them say something that's unique and creative.
Speaker 1:The key is that it's planting seeds. You never forget these questions Because I go back into our own childhood. You probably have pleasant memories of Roshan, yom Kippur, sukkha, shabas, but you don't necessarily have memorable memories. You know, it's more like war memories and the more you plant into the conversation at a table as your children grow into teenagers and adults, what you've done is you brought transcendental and higher consciousness language into the conversation. I find many of us don't do that, even if we ourselves value it, we don't say it and that's just another way of saying speaking Xidus at the table, without having to quote a mimer necessarily.
Speaker 1:But you're speaking about God. You're speaking about our purpose with God and not just going through the rituals, because many of us remember. You know what is a Shabbos, like the candle, eat a meal, fall asleep in the same place, eat the same food I mean not the same food, the same recipes. You know it's all very technical Rosh Hashanah. To me, I remember more of the arguments whether you eat the fruit before you wash or after you wash, every year the same. Nobody can figure it out.
Speaker 2:What minute do you eat the fruit? Before you wash or after?
Speaker 1:Well, it depends which night the apple, I think, is before the fruit fruit is Whatever I don't even.
Speaker 1:Okay, there you go. That becomes the dominant conversation and someone will say why are we eating fruit in the first place? Okay, my point is it's like, so I think, anything that you can spiritualize the experience and get it beyond the ritual, beyond just the tradition, like some deeper meaning behind it all, and you prepare it, you tell your children and you give them your reward them, you tell them, you know, give me a, why do we dip our? Besides the fact, sweet year, that honey is sweet and honey Sorry, and an apple is sweet, there's anything deeper about it. You know, you try to. You have to bring the nisham into the experience. That's the bottom line. So for many of us it's dhinnagunim we sing and sometimes good conversation. To me, that's the key to it all.
Speaker 3:And everything that's your favorite quote we can go right there, Yumkipper.
Speaker 2:I have to say, yumkipper, I would never traumatized by yumkipper.
Speaker 1:but yumkipper, to me, every yumkipper was just this intense day. We woke up four o'clock, three o'clock in the morning. In those days he didn't do kapuras in the streets, we had to drive who knows where to some chicken market. 3.30 in the morning, you have to sleep a little child and then you see chickens running around and then you run to the mikveh and then you're running to again the mikveh, and then this, and then lekkah and the meal to me.
Speaker 1:thank God I grew up in a home that wasn't so dogma, so I'm not so overwhelmed by it and I could smile about it, but I know it's very intense. I wish someone had said a little like so what's happening? Someone has said to me you know that In a few hours Maestro Abena is coming down from the mountain with a new set of tablets and we're going to say salah di kendurekha, that we have hope. Even that would have been something.
Speaker 1:Well, you just said it here, thank you, I'm saying just to say a little about, because what happens is the rituals can become so overwhelming that you forget what the message is and I think that's incumbent upon all of us to do something about that.
Speaker 1:Same thing with sukhas. You know beautiful sukha and whatever goes on in sukha. People build the sukha and they bring all their stuff. But again, why? What are we sitting in sukha for? Just certain basics, you don't even need any profound chhsiddhas, but chhsiddhas talks about this. What's the nashama of a sukha? What's the nashama of all these experiences? What is the nashama of a sukha, are you asking me?
Speaker 3:Ultimately, it's the energy that you bring to things, because you have people like Lahabdil a football game, for example. You're sitting in a stadium, you're squished with a bunch of people, sometimes it's freezing cold. It's not necessarily a pleasant experience, but it's the energy you're bringing to it. People are excited about it. You get that. Even with something like Arabium Kipper, a 4 AM wake up can be like ooh, we get to wake up at 4 AM.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but to me it was really like you're slipping, so in, out of bed.
Speaker 3:Right, yeah, and it's a solemn time of year too.
Speaker 1:Forget the amusement park at least we end up seeing a few chickens being slaughtered.
Speaker 2:It's not a football game.
Speaker 1:Again. To me it wasn't like that. A sukhas is a great conversation about security. Why would we go out of a very secure home rainproof, waterproof into a sukha where we're vulnerable if it's cold, it's outside, bug-speeds and especially if it's raining or it could rain? What provides security? That's really, by the way, the message that we're sitting in a sukha to remind us that our sham provides security, not our walls of our houses. It's a great conversation piece, for example, a little of an esteric. I mean, it's all. Everything has meaning. The four meaning. Why these four? Why not a watermelon, some celery and a potato? And I don't know?
Speaker 2:whatever it is, why these four?
Speaker 1:Is this random, you know, I assure you. You see, another thing is our children are much more creative and imaginative than we think Our schools tend to create. Everybody should become efficient mathematicians. Let their imagination go a bit and they can come up with great ideas. And I think, if you feel that, you know, I know children read their dvartaras from the books, but sometimes get them to be creative, let them say something, even crazy. You know, I'd love to hear two six-year-olds tell me why they think it's an esteric. Without giving them guidance, I'm sure they'll come up with something cute. You know why this esteric lemon citrant, whatever you call it To me this is.
Speaker 1:I really think we all can do it. It's just that we just go by road with what we were trained to do. So we repeat what was done with us, and you have to really, especially today. We all know how much competition is out there, right, and no one just told me that their children went to them to shul. Last year Russia shunned them. They brought along their phones and the whole davening. They're watching something or listening or social media. So I said, yeah, because they're bored by the davening. So they did that.
Speaker 1:Now, getting into now the Shomashabas or Shomiyantv thing, but there's a lot of competition. You better give your children some good alternatives, because if you don't, there's plenty out there that's entertaining and a lot of it is actually even destructive. So I think we have. We have beautiful traditions, but we need to dig deeper and we can't just rely on the road, the mechanical stuff. You know. I always say maybe five or two years ago we picked up your Shomayant from the smell of chicken soup in our grandmother's kitchens. Today is a lot of other smells out there. There's a lot of other influences and and yes, we have beautiful homes. But you have to engage.
Speaker 2:We have to step up.
Speaker 1:You have to step up, engage, be proactive, get things happening, bring an atheist or two to the table, have an argument about God. That's always useful.
Speaker 2:It's always useful, no because it creates a conversation.
Speaker 1:It's not like you know your children should see that you don't only have an echo chamber in your table, Everybody agreeing. Maybe it's good to have a different opinion.
Speaker 3:So what do you?
Speaker 1:have an argument. I mean I don't mean. I don't mean in a bad way, I mean good, good engaging conversation.
Speaker 3:You're willing to listen to it. Yeah, I learn. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Anyway, yeah, yeah, go on.
Speaker 2:When we get to Simchatara. How would you define joy Like? What is your definition of joy?
Speaker 1:I think there are many definitions Come to mind. To me, first of all, just the joy of your existence I mentioned before just being. I think many people are not comfortable in their own skin so they're not happy, you know, they're people just not happy, whatever reason it is. Maybe they think they should have been someone else, or they feel someone else was blessed and they're resentful. I think the first Simchosh Chaim is not necessarily a loud dancing joy. It's just a certain inner tranquility that you're at peace with yourself, you're happy with yourself. I think that's a very fundamental to me, because you can dance and sing and still be sad inside, not really happy, not saying it doesn't have any value. But so I think that to me is a very you know, I see people and my father was very much like that he was. I saw him sitting at a table and he had this. He was so comfortable in his own skin. He was tremendously impactful on me Because I saw a person who was not performing, he wasn't trying to prove anything.
Speaker 1:He could sit three, four hours. My father was a very good conversationalist. He was like a socialite, but he could sit hours and not say a word, so comfortably he didn't have to people argued about things. He didn't have to show that he has something to say. I saw a very internal Simchosh Chaim that he had, and he didn't have an easy life. He was orphaned at 19 already. You know, I'm just giving you an example. So it wasn't a loud and pronounced Simchosh. If you met him it's not like you see. You know he had an exuberance then but it wasn't like you know, one of these like jovial, but that was a very that had a big impact. I don't want to compare. The rebel was very much like that Very. There's a certain inner peace with himself. They're not need to prove anything to anyone. They're not. You know, the things he believed in were very strong, very strong values. You cannot shake that. To me that's a real. That to me is I know I don't know if everybody would call that Simcha. They think maybe they call it confidence, but I think it's a Simcha. Another thing of Simcha I think is which maybe grows from that.
Speaker 1:You know, why do people not have Simcha? Let's talk the other opposite way. What's what's? Why should you not be happy so often? It's because you've set your mind on something you feel you don't have. You feel you're deprived. How could I be happy when my sister or my brother or my cousin or whatever someone has a house? That's a mansion, and I'm living in a little shoe box, you know. So, in other words, the lacking, the Samayah, the Chalkei thing you don't feel. You know you're comparing yourself to someone else or to someone else's standards, which is, again, you're not looking at what you have, you're looking at what you're lacking.
Speaker 1:And or you grew up in a home. I mean, I remember talking to someone and I was in a certain house and there was a woman came into the house and she said, is that chandelier real? And I was like, so the woman in that home was a cousin of mine. I said yeah. She says no, can't be. And later I found out because she has that chandelier in her own home and she couldn't stand the fact that someone else has it because she thought she was exclusive.
Speaker 1:And I said how could a person like that ever be happy? You have it already. What do you care if she has it? You know, I'm just so very often it's so much about our, you know, projecting. What do I look like? Am I going to look good? I mean, the chelchanarokh begins al-yevishman, panayam al-eagim. Don't be embarrassed for those that mock you, because the Rebbe would quote it very often. Because that's what happens. We want to belong and if you don't fit in, you don't feel. You know, like even what the Rebbe told people about a wedding doesn't have to be so expensive, but everybody's competing with each other. What will it look like? It doesn't pass. You know that.
Speaker 1:So I think Simka is the opposite, where you just feel happy with what you have. You feel you know my children are happy, so I don't have necessarily what someone else may have and who knows what other miseries they have, even though they may have a lot of material stuff. It's that type of you know. That, to me, is how I would define Simcha. I don't know how you know Sukkhas comes and most people think Simcha means you go dancing in the streets. Now, that is definitely an expression of it, but we all know Simcha is a deeper thing than that. Simcha is also the way you are at home, it's not just in the streets. So I would that's what I would work on the inner.
Speaker 1:You know the reasons to be the Simcha that your life has, blessings to it and, yes, every, all of us have strengths and some things that didn't work exactly as you wanted. So what you know, there's just a Simcha with what you have. I have to work on this a lot because I'm an ambitious guy and sometimes I feel inadequate. I feel I've done, but I didn't do as much as I should do. So that's so much guilt but I become very frustrated by it. I'm saying personally and I feel, then I say, but you've done this, and then I say, once you just trying to feel good about yourself, you know, you don't know where the balance is, where you should be, have some angst to want to grow and we should be more bebenucha, at peace that you've achieved.
Speaker 2:It's a hard balance.
Speaker 1:It is. It's very hard balance, especially when you have big goals. You want to really end. You say oh, wow. Then I say, what's second? You have big goals but you've also gotten somewhere. It's not. But it's not that easy when you're very driven and you're a perfectionist and you want to. You know you want to conquer the world and stuff like that. It's a difficult one.
Speaker 2:We know I'm saying we always talk about that, but I will go back to what I say.
Speaker 1:I think that when people are doing, are living up to a mission or calling that's not their own self, they're generally going to be happier. Do you tell me? I'd love to ask you this question. Can I ask you a question?
Speaker 2:Oh boy.
Speaker 3:Well, I think you made it very attainable.
Speaker 1:No, no, the fact that you both are doing this program Okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Good. So how's it changed your life, your own sinchusachim, your own sense of purpose, your sense of satisfaction? Honestly, you know, how has it affected you? I mean, I can speculate and assume, but it'd be an interesting question how it's affected. I don't mean affected you as far as how many people are writing to you and thanking you that I understand but more internally, has it made you more at peace with yourself? You feel like you're living up to your mission, which to me would have a lot of importance. You have implications on yourself, on your family and your children, even if they're not involved in this. Just interesting, what do you say?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's definitely been life-changing in hearing from people such as you and gaining inspiration and then working on yourself to put it into action. It definitely creates a lot more meaning and growth and spirituality and purpose and has helped us both get in line with what the truthful mission is in life. So that definitely it's been a life-changing experience and I know and yes, it is very meaningful when many of us listen to share with us that it's done the same for them and I agree that that definitely brings a joy.
Speaker 2:There's joy in knowing that you've grown in a certain area and there's joy in spirituality and the tachan and, I think, the trust of, even though you've got your ambitions and goals, to know that you're working on yourself and working on the growth. Yeah.
Speaker 1:What would you say?
Speaker 3:I would say that I think we both went into this without a lot of confidence. We both wanted to do it. It was a small thing that we did from our houses with our little, plugged in earphones for fun, and I think once we started to bring Hashem into the picture, that's when we started to notice that this was bigger than we were. We made it about the mission and the spiritual mission and brought Hashem into the picture. That's when we started to see change happening.
Speaker 1:So that's been life-changing. Let me tell you, and let me ask you this and what did it do to things like, maybe more petty things, that would have bothered you, let's say, five years ago? Are they less significant? Yes, Some things you may have obsessed about, and today you realize that, like your horizons are bigger, so little things don't matter as much Does that have such impact on you?
Speaker 2:Yes, there was definitely a lot of letting go of perfection and feeling the fear and doing it anyway.
Speaker 3:and yeah, not sweating the small stuff, big less triggered by little things, what became little things, what used to be big things. That happened.
Speaker 1:So it has to have impact on your children and your families.
Speaker 3:Yeah, definitely has. Yes, definitely has it's like an elevated consciousness that we have.
Speaker 1:Besides that, they have celebrity mothers, I don't know. Well, yeah, once you get an Academy Awards, you don't know what will happen. Oh, boy who knows the sky's the limit. The Sherman picture, the sky's the limit.
Speaker 3:There's no limits.
Speaker 2:But it's also, you see, one little step, what difference it can make, like one little thought that you share that really can have a profound impact, and then working at putting it into action and you think, oh, what's this one little thing going to do? But you see what an effect it has on yourself and, in turn, your family and the people around you. I think that that's had a bigger, it's been a big lesson for me, and that one little thing leads to the next thing and that one little thing makes a big change.
Speaker 1:Beautiful. I've done many interviews. I know the interviews.
Speaker 2:I'm giving you a little of your own.
Speaker 3:It's great practice.
Speaker 1:No, that's fine, it's great. It's great what you said, beautiful.
Speaker 2:But you mentioned celebrities. You know how they say don't get too close to your heroes. What would you say about that? Have you gotten close to a hero or someone that you've looked up to, and what do you say about that? You're a hero in your own.
Speaker 1:They never let me get close. So I never got too close. I didn't want to really get close because I always felt if I get too close I'll make me more accountable. This way, it's good to keep your distance with a man like the Revva, because the demands are high. That's interesting.
Speaker 1:I think the word heroes needs to be reviewed. I think most heroes today are nonsense. It's superficial heroes, sports heroes, hollywood, right now someone walked in. Now that's name recognition. Everybody would look. But you start thinking what are you looking at exactly? It's not like a model of what. So I think that anyone's going to look at their heroes like those type of heroes is going to be disappointed because you start seeing their lives and their scandals. It's not exactly impressive. I'm talking about sports and then these things Spareful heroes look. I remember when I was younger, as a teenager, more naive and more idealistic. So there were people I looked up to and then, when I got to know them better, I didn't. I can't say I didn't look up. I valued them. I had to learn that you have to take the pluses and realize that everybody's perfect.
Speaker 2:Right, I think that's basically what it is.
Speaker 1:In my case. Sometimes, initially I was cynical and even abrasive. I started saying, oh, you know what? Okay, and it's easy to become thrown the towel and just say you know, they're all the same all hypocrites and so on. But then you get a little older and I came to realize everybody's got their strengths and some have the weaknesses, and you just have to be balanced and life is not black and white. That's really, for me, what it comes down to.
Speaker 1:I know some people see me as their hero and frankly, I'd rather them not get too close. I'd rather them to look at everything, because by no means they're not going to find perfection. But that's more like a personal thing. I've always been very wary of that. Like when they started telling me you have to have your picture on every YouTube and this, I said why not the message? You don't always need the messenger. And it's not because I'm so humble, it's not like I have no problem. It wasn't a problem of my face being there, but I wanted the focus to be on the message. It's much more perfect than on the person, the messenger. But that's life and that's what happens Today. It's Well, that's very honest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and I was very, I know because I'm going to go to Florida. I know what happens because once you're on YouTube, you've got hundreds of thousands of subscribers, and this is I'm not saying this to my horn. I could be on a plane and I could have 20, 30 people look at me and then they say are you online? I'm not talking about Jews, even, and it doesn't get to my head really honestly, but I don't personally like it. To me it's not so. I like it only if it's reaching people and maybe the message is reaching. But I see a lot of. It is okay, let's do a selfie, because it's such a superficial world. They want to do selfies. I was at a few weeks ago at Monticello, in a Kharidisha community for Shabbos. Everybody wanted to do selfies with me after.
Speaker 1:Shabbos because I was on YouTube. Honestly, that was the reason, so I'm, but that's meaningless, frankly, that's part of the it comes with a very good question. I would rephrase the question Choose your heroes wisely. That's how I would go about it.
Speaker 2:That's a more positive spin. That's a more positive spin.
Speaker 1:Because not everyone that you think is your hero should be your hero. Why they're your hero? Because what Choose your heroes? Based on something of value, of what they represent. And that, to me, is the key. Because then, even if the person turns out to be not perfect as you thought, but what they represented still is valuable. So don't worship the person, worship what they represent, what they stand for. I think in Yiddish, chaitanya, judaism, we always did that anyway.
Speaker 3:That's a great point. It's like the medium, the message can relate to us, it doesn't always have to be the person in their entirety. In all cases.
Speaker 2:Like you said in the beginning, we've got the animal soul and the godly soul.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:There's a few things that we're curious about. What is the best advice you ever received?
Speaker 1:Very good question. I'm thinking a few pieces of advice I got. One of the best was learn from your mistakes and don't you mentioned before don't sweat over the details of the small stuff. Learn from the that. You learn most from the mistakes you make, not from your successes.
Speaker 1:I remember when I first first time I wrote a Fabrengen of the Rev it was Shabbat's, partially Kate's, hanukkah Tafshemem, the end of 1979, december 79. And I it was Saturday night I was sitting with a typewriter there were no computers then and I was sitting in my house, a little blue typewriter and I was typing this page again. I had probably 30, you know you throw out the page because there was no white, there were no word processing, so kept on taking those pages, clumping them up, throwing in the garbage can, like four or five in the morning, and I finally I said I can't do this. I took upon myself something that's just not going to happen. Maybe I was overconfident, or what. My father happened to be awake at that point and he was a writer, he was a journalist, and he sees them all worked up and frustrated and he says what's going on? I said I told him I don't think I can do this job Soon as seven, eight o'clock in the morning, someone wakes up.
Speaker 1:I'm calling, I'm saying someone else has to do it, even though there wasn't anyone. But so I remember he said to me very calmly he said look, writing is always going to be difficult, even in 40 years from now. It's never going to get easy. The only difference is that as time passes you'll know you could do it like a marathon. First time you don't think you could do it. You run it once, doesn't make. Next time it's going to be easier, it's not going to be easier. You just know you could do it.
Speaker 1:It's what he told me. He says you keep going, you'll see you could do it. Brilliant advice. It was simple. It wasn't a magic. He didn't give me any magic pills. He just told me keep at it. And I continued. I got out of the first draft of a page that was half decent and then and it's exactly right I write today. Still very difficult. Every time it's a challenge, but I have a confidence. I know I can do it. I know I'm going to reach the finish line. If you don't know, you always wonder maybe it's up for me, maybe it's up.
Speaker 2:Do you go through that? Do you like now because you got this message? Do you sometimes go through because you've written toward a meaningful life?
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, no, I know I can do it. I'll tell you this I speak a lot. So every time I speak people ask me if I get nervous. I don't really have that because I'm very trained and I've done it so many times. I'm very comfortable here. Many people first time they would do this. They wouldn't be able to speak because you know. But to me that's the easy part. But sometimes I don't know if I'm going to say the right thing and will I really get my message across. But I know that. I've done it so many times and I've reached the finish. I know I can do it and I know I've learned the confidence to change course.
Speaker 1:If things aren't working, I'll shift. I don't go by a script. If the script isn't working, for whatever reason, the audience is not responding, then I'll just change my script and I'm confident that I can do that. So I don't always know how it's going to end up, but I know that I'm going to get to the end. You know the finish line. Maybe I'm going to have to go this way, not this way.
Speaker 2:It's an amazing message, Even with hardships, that we go through. You know if you're going through a hard time and you know you've pulled through, if you've pulled through once or you can do it again, Even getting ready for Rosh Hashanah for all the women, like you think, am I going to get there? Am I going to be able to make everything? We've done it every year. I've done it before. I can do it again. It's a great lesson. That's one thing.
Speaker 1:I mean, I'm sure that would be the piece of advice that I got that.
Speaker 1:That impacts me. I remember Rabi'el Khan told me I was a colleague. I was his colleague, I mean, he was a senior and I learned much from him. And I also asked him so how did you end up? He did a psychopedic. I said this, and I was working on a psychopedic.
Speaker 1:Say, fr LeCutte, the Rebbe instituted something in 1976, 77. And I said how did you learn how to do it? He says you learned the way I learned. I said how, through mistakes. And that's what happened.
Speaker 1:We printed the first book and I looked at it and I said this is embarrassing, you're doing so. Mistakes, and that's how you learn. The last thing you want to do is stop. What do they say? The French say that perfection is the enemy of good. That's what it is. You have to forge ahead.
Speaker 1:I finally, I'll say one more thing, because maybe it may help people find good mentors. Find people who are good at what you like and learn from them. It's critical. Don't think you know it all. Learn from them because they'll teach you invaluable things that you can't learn on your own. The experience of something, let them review it, let them give you comments and welcome critique. Don't think I only want flattery and compliments, welcome critique, but you have to be kind and then you'll go from good to excellent. If you can't do that, you may be good, but you're not going to get to excellence. Find those mentors, people that are. You like to write? Find a good writer. You like music? Find a good musician. People are doing podcasts and stuff like that. Find someone who's done it. Get with them. They'll give you invaluable advice.
Speaker 3:Maybe you have some time after this interview to be our mentor for interviewing.
Speaker 1:You guys are masters. Now People should come to you for mentoring.
Speaker 3:We still want to learn from the best.
Speaker 1:I think you're doing great and, yeah, we could talk. Thank.
Speaker 2:God. It's really been growing by leaps and bounds and we have all different lessons from all of our lives. We also have someone who manages our social media now and she's amazing.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 2:That's because we grew, so we were able to do that. That was the same.
Speaker 1:Look and the fact that you're getting sponsorships is very good, because that brings some funding that can help you further expand. You may have to at some point. Look, you're always going to come to a point. Where are we going with this? What's our goal ultimately? We want to be in five years from now. You may not be ready to ask that question yet. I don't enforce it, but it's, or it could be. Just continue doing this, meeting a lot of people you know introducing, but that ultimately, where? For example, for myself, where I'm now, my team, that's a big question. Where are we going with this? So you have a quarter of a million subscribers on YouTube and now what?
Speaker 2:So you want to get a million subscribers. So that's good. That would be good, wouldn't it All right.
Speaker 1:You want to understand your audience is better and feed them more of what they want and need. You know.
Speaker 3:Right.
Speaker 1:I've actually been trying to get Jordan Peterson. By the way, Once you get him, we'll deal with it. We'll talk about it.
Speaker 3:Okay, okay. So we want to know how do you stay inspired? How do you stay inspired?
Speaker 2:Yes, we're inspiring us. We want to know what inspires you.
Speaker 1:A few things. Firstly, I mentioned earlier you know my experiences with my mentors. I start with the Reba, my father. Some others have become. I own them inside, they live inside me. So this is like this I remember once as a young, as a teenager, standing in front of all night by the Atlantic Ocean.
Speaker 1:It was the summer. My parents had a home near One of the in the Bell Harbor here in in Rockaway not Bell Harbor of Florida, you know and I stood all night by the Atlantic Ocean. I was waiting for the sea to go to sleep and I never did. It was relentless. Now the waves didn't stop and I never forget the image and I realized people like the Reba and others have this relentless energy and, like you, want it. It's like almost what we call the infinite, the infinite power. So whenever I need inspiration, I just turn into that, I turn to that, the waves inside me, and I'm able to access it. That's one thing. Another thing is the needs.
Speaker 1:Another question people ask me often is how do you keep writing? You know what pushes you to write? Not just inspiration, say. Say I always ask myself a question that somebody asked me. That's a dilemma. So these dilemmas, they get my juices going Because I now have to be creative and figure out what do I say. In other words, I find challenges that come my way and those challenges become catalysts for real movement. When I don't have a challenge, then you know OK, just coast. That's another thing. That's a big one for me, and because I get myself engaged with people and people share their challenges and problems, so I don't lack inspiration.
Speaker 2:So always coming from.
Speaker 3:There.
Speaker 1:And finally, this is ultimately the trick of the trade. I get myself trapped in commitments that I can't get out of no in a good way, and I know that I will regret it later. I'm out of class and now 10 people are coming, 100 people are coming. I can't suddenly say I'm not in the mood. So this keeps me. Now I have to deliver. I can't not show up. So that's my third thing that I do.
Speaker 3:It's called manufacturing motivation. It's exactly, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:Manufacture that. And then there's, finally, I will say, god wired me in a way that I have a lot, a lot of adrenaline and I have stamina and God, really, I have the same energy as I had when I was 17. I really have that drive.
Speaker 3:That's what I think. I'm a big drive.
Speaker 1:And I think there's also me some craziness. You know there's some. Really, you have to be crazy Because there's so many reasons that you could slow down today, next week, or Shoshana's coming this week, for example. I'm so overwhelmed I can't even tell you, but it's like to me, I embrace it. Okay, let's go, you know.
Speaker 1:That's what keeps you young, and then there's the element of I mean this may sound weird to you, but I'm like I have. I don't want to call myself like a Napoleon figure, but I do have a world conquest syndrome. I feel we have to conquer the world with Chesedis, fill the world with divine knowledge as waters cover the sea, and I feel we can reach 8 billion people. I firmly believe it. A lot of people think I'm nuts when I say it. I feel that when it says in the Ram Bam that the world will be filled with divine knowledge, and when Mashiach told the Bolsheviks of your futza minus achal chutza, chutza means literally every corner of the world, and that the world, that's Chesedis. And I feel confident. First of all, I believe in the product and I see the need and I see, with technology, the possibility. So when you see a goal of 8 billion people and you see Apple has already reached 2 billion, 3 billion and I've reached a quarter of a million, trust me it keeps you on your toes.
Speaker 3:Yeah well, they say, the ones who are crazy enough to think they could change the world are the ones who do.
Speaker 1:Right, Steve Jobs, Steve Jobs. Yeah, that's right, exactly. Okay. So so there we go, Apple. Those are my secrets.
Speaker 3:Okay, so we usually like to wrap up with a quote, a quote that resonates with you, or a parting message to bring it all together.
Speaker 1:Well, I have different periods of my life. I choose different quotes that speak to me.
Speaker 3:You know, now I've been Feel free to share a few if you have a few.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's the one that's getting to me lately is especially Rosh Hashanah coming, is the ayyaka, where Hashem comes to the Garden of Eden and he says Adam is hiding and God says where are you? And the altar ever was asked what does it mean? God doesn't know where he is and he says no. This is the eternal question God asks each of us where are you, where do you stand? You know, sometimes you're sitting with someone. They're right there, but they're not present. They have phased out. She has them. Where are you? You know, I don't feel that you're with me. So that question that we should ask ourselves where are you, where do you stand? Have you betrayed yourself? And you're calling?
Speaker 1:That to me is a, and it reminds me, if I may quote not a Jewish source, oliver Wendell Holmes has this poem that is called the Voiceless, a last to those that die with their song still inside them. So to me it's like the mission is we have to find your song and the courage to sing your song. So, talking ready. Quote you were born an original, don't become a copy. And finally, michelangelo, if I may, when he was asked how he sculpts those beautiful angels in the marble. He said I saw the angels trapped in the marble and I carved and carved and set them free. And then, finally, I'll quote the Jewish source.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:He cuts the grave, menachemelovic. They asked him. So where's God? He said wherever you let them in, they have my few series of my latest Beautiful.
Speaker 2:Beautiful and inspirational. Thank you so much you know you said you have an overwhelming week and for making the time to come to us and for us to be able to share your wisdom with all our listeners. Much appreciated.
Speaker 1:Thank you, thank you. I want to wish you and your listeners a very blessed, sweet, healthy year, abundant spiritually, materially.
Speaker 2:Amen Thank you.
Speaker 1:And God continue to bless you with the power to reach, communicate, touch many hearts and souls and empower people.
Speaker 2:Amen.
Speaker 1:And you should grow so strength to strength.
Speaker 2:It's always an honor to be with you, thank you, thank you very much.